Ed, Edd n RWBY (Under Rewrite)
by SdaTheArtist
Summary: Peach Creek refuses to be scammed by the Eds any longer, and the friends find themselves teetering on the brink of metaphorical bankruptcy. However, the arrival of the Xiao-Longs, Schnees, Arcs, and other colorful families at the start of the school year disrupts the longstanding social hierarchy―and opens up new opportunities for the Eds to start anew.
1. S1, EP1: Ruby Ed – Part I

**Update 1 (06/11/2017):** **Added a few new additional scenes at the end of the first chapter.**

* * *

Kevin and the rest of the Cul-de-Sac clique laughed and pointed at the three Eds. Their latest scam, a stand called _Ed's Backpack Emporium_ , designed for selling backpacks to kids for the upcoming new school year, which will start in a few days, had proverbially went up in flames no thanks to the efforts of Ed's wild imagination. Eddy scowled at the jeers thrown their way, while Double-D could do nothing but lament their current sorry state―and Ed just swam in the wooden carcass of their stand like a carefree whale.

"You Eds are so lame!" Kevin wiped a tear away from his eye. "I guess dorks will always be dorks!"

"Rolf agrees with Kevin, Ed-Boys! Village idiots are doomed to live the life of a village idiot, yes?"

"When will you Fat-Heads and my idiot brother learn?"

"You all, like, need to grow up man."

"Even Plank and I are not that unpopular, Eddy!"

Jimmy shook his head. "What woeful circumstances the Eds have found themselves in."

All this jeering and cackling had only made Eddy furious. "You all don't know a good scam when you see it, you know that?! How are we supposed to rip you all off if you don't keep coming to us!?"

"It's simple logic, Eddy, but I guess a dork like you wouldn't understand." Kevin sneered at him. "Ever heard of this thing called 'avoiding a scam?'"

"Wait until this town hears word of your dishonest, money-grubbing deeds Ed-Boys! Us good folk will never more be swindled by the likes of you!"

Sarah and Jimmy blew raspberries at the Eds.

"Seriously, like, come on, do you guys really think you'll be able to rip us off forever?"

"Sorry Eddy, but Plank says we got better things to do than waste money on another one of your scams!" Then Jonny pulled out a 20 dollar bill from his pocket. "Like buying jawbreakers for everyone! Except for you guys, of course!"

The clique cheered for Jonny and they all went away from the Eds, heading off for the neighborhood candy store. No one else but the Eds had remained.

Growling, Eddy pulled down on his hair and screamed. "This _stinks_!" He stomped to the stand wreckage and kicked a snapped plank that had stuck out, but Eddy yelped in pain and hopped around holding his inflamed foot. When the pain went away, Eddy stomped on the ground and screamed out again. "This _really stinks_!"

Double-D sighed. "While I perfectly understand your emotions at the very moment, yelling and kicking things are not going to get us anywhere Eddy."

"But that _stupid_ Kevin and his _stupid_ friends practically mocked us! Oh, when I get my hands on Shovel-Chin," Eddy imagined a chokehold in front of him. "I'm going to-"

"Ooh ooh, I know, I know!" Ed popped out of the junk with a stupid grin. "Eddy's going to get beaten up, wedgied and hung from the branch of a tree from his underwear by Kevin's big brother and his friends again!"

Eddy spun to Ed with a glare. "Cardin and his pals aren't even in our school anymore, you numbskull! Besides, that was only _one_ time!"

"You mean like that time when the Lemon Brook Lemons made you their mascot?"

Eddy dangerously stared at him. "Ed, do I need to smash your stupid head open with a plank?"

"Nope! Already done that, Eddy!"

Ed's face was smashed by a flying rock; it peeled off, yet it hadn't even erased the grin off of his sunken face. He chuckled. "Looks like I can cross that off the agenda for the day too."

Double-D sighed again and turned to the others. "Fellows, can we _please_ restrain ourselves for the moment?"

"What's there to be restrained about, Sock Head?!"

"Have you not listened to Kevin and the others? Did you even paid attention to the gravity of their threats?!" Double-D threw his arms out into the air. "We've been already ostracized by the dominant clique in the Cul-de-Sac's social hierarchy, but now they're expanding their efforts to make us infamous throughout _Peach Creek_ itself!"

Eddy scoffed. "So what?" He turned around and went down the Lane alleyway, then shot his hand back at the houses of the Cul-de-Sac behind him. "Everyone around this stinking neighborhood knows who we are! So what if they told everyone else here, it's not like we haven't scammed anyone outside of your so-called 'dominant social clique' around here-

"Wait a minute," Money signs suddenly popped up in his eyes. "That's it! Why haven't I thought of this before! Instead of scamming this neighborhood's kids, why don't we try scamming _another_ neighborhood's kids? This place ain't the only neighborhood around Peach Creek, you know."

Double-D facepalmed. "Weren't you listening to me, Eddy?!" Then the intelligent Ed snatched Eddy's shoulders. " _Kevin and the others_ are trying to make us proverbial _outlaws_ in the eyes of _everyone_ in this _town_! While our scams have only garnered minimal attention from kids outside of the Cul-de-Sac's social hierarchy, there's no doubt that word _will_ spread of our questionable business practices everywhere in Peach Creek, not just here! Why," Double-D let go of Eddy and wandered off a bit, gazing gloomily into space. "I wouldn't be surprised if this scam will be the last one to have a sliver of chance to succeed after this."

After a moment of thought, Eddy's eyes became wide with horror. "Say it ain't so, Double-D!" Eddy leaped onto him and pulled on his collar, their faces close together. "You mean Shovel-Chin and his friends will tell everyone in _Peach Creek_ that we're nothing but broke, sore losers!?"

"Eddy," Double-D narrowed his eyes. "Are you stepping your dirty feet on my shirt again?" Eddy quickly got off. "Thank you, Eddy. Anyways, I'm surprised that the Cul-de-Sac clique hadn't spread word of our misdeeds after all of these years. But I suppose that our latest scam has become the metaphorical straw that broke the proverbial camel's back for them."

"Is there anything we can do to stop this? You gotta have a plan like you always do, right?"

"Not that I know of right now, unfortunately." Double-D crossed his arms and rubbed his chin. "The best we can do right now is to lay low for a while, prepare for school, and hope for the best."

"But what about the scams? The cash? The _jawbreakers_?"

"Jawbreakers good for Ed, guys!" Ed popped up right between them and pulled them together into a crushing hug. "We three Eds sure are popular these days, am I right?!"

Double-D smirked. "W-Well, I suppose our negative reputation would garner attention from all corners of town…"  
"This stinks." Eddy pulled himself out of Ed's embrace and began walking away. "I'm going home."

"I always told you that this day would come, Eddy! It was only a matter of time!"

"Yeah yeah," Eddy waved him off. "Karma and all that fate stuff coming back to bite us in the," He began mumbling to himself.

The two other Eds watched Eddy walk off. Double-D frowned, uncertain of their future as scammers, while Ed still grinned stupidly. "Double-D," He turned to the intelligent Ed. "Do you think Eddy skipped breakfast this morning?"  
"Let's just prepare for school, Ed. I'm sure Eddy will come around soon enough!" He quickly shot another frown at Eddy before turning to Ed with a smile. "In the meantime, in a few days we'll be starting out this school year as 8th graders! Only one more year before high school; isn't that exciting?"

"Not as exciting as my mom's gravy cabbage stew, Double-D!"

* * *

"Dad, _are we there yet_ …?"

"We're almost there, Ruby! Don't worry, we'll get out of the car soon enough!"

Ruby groaned and let her head lazily lie on the back of the seat's headrest. The car ride to her family's new home had been nothing short of excruciating. And boring. Compared to Yang and Dad, only Ruby was the depressed one here. She was feeling rather hot in the car and was tempted to remove her black, crimson-striped hoodie, but knowing her fickleness for temperature she decided not to. Besides, it was September.

Yang, who sat in front of the car, reached out and touched Ruby's shoulder. "Come on baby sister, cheer up! We're gonna meet all sorts of new friends at school in a few days!"

"Easy for you to say," Ruby scowled and crossed her arms. "I had to leave all my friends back at Signal. Right Zwei?"

The corgi yelped in agreement, snuggling in Ruby's gentle embrace.

"For goodness sake Ruby, think positive! You can still call your friends! Besides, you're an honors student! You're gonna be the bee's knees around here, 'cause my baby sister doesn't need to go through 7th Grade, that's for sure!"

"I don't wanna be the bee's knees, Yang! I'm just a _normal girl_ with _normal knees_ , okay?! Besides, you're in _9th Grade_. I'll be all alone in my grade…"

"Which is why I'm gonna help you level up your social stats!" She rubbed her chin and hummed. "Let's see, you already maxed out Knowledge and Diligence, and your Understanding's pretty good, so we should start by increasing your Expression and Courage. They're, like, _unbelievably low_."

"Yang, this isn't _Mask 4: Emerald_ , you know…"

"Eh, I like _Mask 3: CEL_ better. Or most of the mainline _Shin Megumi Sensei_ series, for that matter _._ "

"Yang," Taiyang's eyes skillfully remained on the road. "Remember what I said about twisting your body to face the back of the car like that?"

"Sorry Dad." Yang properly sat back on her seat, straightening out her white tank-top, blue gray-yellow hoodie and skinny jeans.

"Now Ruby, do you remember why we're moving out here to Peach Creek in the first place?"

Ruby sighed. "Because Uncle Qrow―who's a guidance counselor at Peach Creek Junior High―said he can call in some favors and get you a P.E. coach position here―which pays a _lot more_ than the one back at Signal."

"That's right. You have your Uncle Qrow to thank!"

"Yeah, he's awesome, but," Ruby frowned. "I wish we were back home."

"Ruby," Yang laid her head on the front seat's headrest. "We _are_ at home. Peach Creek's our new home now. It's out with the old and in with new, y'know."

"Doesn't mean I miss my friends…"

"It may not seem like it, but I do kinda miss Signal."

"Oh _really_?"

"There's no way I ain't missing the lunch menu! They got the best chicken sandwiches, best mashed potatoes," Yang threw her hands up. "B-Best _everything_! Now we're just gonna be stuck with regular ole' public school food, and I heard it stinks."

"Well, at least we still have Dad's cooking."

"Anyone in the mood for Dad's Spaghetti tonight, then?"

Both Ruby and Yang shot up and happily cried out oh me I want some.

Taiyang chuckled. "That's the spirit."

With the mood lifted up by the promise of Taiyang's spaghetti, the Xiao Long family's car drove down the street of the neighborhood. After passing by the shopping district, they reached the residential area, made a right and headed down to the Cul-de-Sac. There, the car turned to the left and parked into the lane of a two-story house that was built two houses away from the cul-de-sac area itself.

"We're here, girls!" Taiyang shut off the engine and got out of the car.

Yang threw the door open and stretched out her arms and legs. " _Finally_! Oh _yeah_ ," She smiled as she felt her joints pleasurably cracking. "It's good to be standing up again!"

Ruby got out and let Zwei on the ground; he obediently sat down, panting, and looked up to his master. She smiled wide and massaged Zwei's head, and he panted even more with delight.

The house's door, situated off to the left of the parking lane, opened. Clad in dress pants, three-fourths dress shirt, undershirt and boots, Qrow came out and smirked at his relatives.

He approached the girls' father first with a smirk. "Good to see ya' here, Tai."

"Same here, Qrow." Taiyang shook hands with him.

Ruby squealed and zipped right into Qrow, wrapping her arms around his abdomen. " _Uncle Qrow_! Did ya' miss me?!"

Qrow chuckled and looked into Ruby's silver eyes. "Nope." He playfully pushed her down before picking her back up―Ruby yelped with delight―and hugging her back. "How's my little niece doing these days?" He kissed her forehead. "Doin' good in school as always?"

"Of course Uncle Qrow!" Ruby gave him a peck on the cheek. "I don't know about _Yang_ , though," She shot a sneer at Yang.

"Of course my grades are good!" Yang scowled at Ruby and crossed her arms, but then began gazing elsewhere. "I-It's just that math is p-pretty difficult, y'know?"

Qrow chuckled, grabbed Yang's waist―she shrieked in surprise―and kissed her forehead as well. "As long as my nieces are not failing and have good habits, it's fine with me. Besides," He shot a smirk at Yang. "You're not supposed to get math on the first shot anyway―or even on the 50th shot for that matter."

"Come on, you too Uncle Qrow?"

"Just some friendly advice for school. Math don't deserve the hate it usually gets."

Yang frowned. "Yeah, I guess so…"

"I can always teach you math, Yang!" This time, Ruby shot a genuine smirk at her sister.

"Oh can it, you little monster."

"I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, y'know."

Qrow frowned at the both of them. "Come on you two, calm down. Now, once we're all settled in, why don't we go shoot some guns after lunch? I know a good shooting range in town."

The girls― _especially_ Ruby―excitedly agreed to their uncle's offer. After Qrow released his nieces from his firm grip, the four family members went to the car and began unloading Ruby, Yang and Taiyang's luggages. As they carried them into their new home, Ruby's eyes wandered around the neighborhood for a bit and she immediately spotted at least three moving trucks at the other houses. There was also one fancy-looking limo at another one. Huh. Guess they were not the only ones moving in.

On Qrow and Taiyang's advice, Ruby and Yang took their luggage upstairs and went straight to their separate bedrooms, but Ruby simply put her backpack and suitcases on her plain bed before heading to the downstairs floor. She just realized she forgot her headphones back at the car and really didn't want to leave them for anyone to take, so she hurried as quickly as she could. But as soon as she reached the stairs she heard Dad and Uncle Qrow speaking.

"So how they're holding up, Tai? Y'know, with Summer."

Ruby crouched down and stared at Dad and Uncle Qrow from above.

"Ruby was too young to remember, so there shouldn't be any issues with that, but Yang's been holding up pretty well so far."

"They still haven't found her body?!"

"Keep it down! No, the brass said they're still looking for her. But they are sure that Summer's," Ruby heard him hesitate, "dead somewhere in Iraq."

"I know it doesn't get any easier, Tai."

"It really doesn't. If only I was still deployed…!"

"Hey, you got Ruby and Yang to take care of. As much as I love my nieces, I'm not the kind of guy who's able to raise them properly; I don't want them ending up like me."

"Qrow, you make a _way_ better parent than I would. Yang had to take care of Ruby all be herself when Summer died."

"Tai, what has happened to you? You're not the tough and reasonable Marine I used to remember."

Ruby heard her Dad growl. "I don't want to hear it, _Qrow_."

"You have to man up, Tai. You think Summer would want to see you like this?"

"Qrow, _shut it_."

"...Alright, fine."

Hearing them talk about Ruby's deceased mother was like listening in on a discussion about a fandom you had no knowledge about. Ruby never really had a mother, nor did she ever remember her. And it was frustrating too. Neither Dad or Uncle Qrow knew about this, but sometimes Ruby wished Dad would find a mom for her and Yang.

"They're still talking about mom, huh?"

Ruby nearly shrieked when she saw Yang standing right behind her. "Don't scare me like that!"

"Shh!" Yang put a finger on her lips. "And sorry!"

"Whaddya' doin' here, anyways?"

"I was hungry, so I was gonna go down the stairs when I saw you eavesdropping on Dad and Uncle Qrow talking about mom."

"Sorry…"

"It's okay."

"Yang," Ruby frowned at her pale feet. "I don't know if it's right of me to say this, but I wish Dad would find a mom for us. I kinda wanna know what's it like to have a mom…"

However, Ruby only heard a cold scoff from Yang. "Yeah, and I'm sure you like to experience what it's like to be abandoned too, huh?"

Ruby stared at her older sister with wide, shocked eyes. "Yang…?"

"Oh _crud_ ," Yang's cold face quickly became regretful and she shook her head. "S-Sorry, never mind, just, forget what I said, okay?"

"Okay…"

With all honesty, after hearing what she had to say about her wish, Ruby became worried for Yang's wellbeing.

Without another word, Ruby raced down the stairs and yelled out that she forgot her headphones back at the car. Taiyang threw her the keys, Ruby caught them and sped out of the door. With Zwei tagging behind her, Ruby unlocked the car and went to the passenger's door, She threw the door open and snatched her red headphones that had sat alone on her seat.

She hugged them. "Almost got away now, didn't you?"

As she closed the door and locked the car again, Ruby looked around the neighborhood again. With the three moving trucks, she spotted three families already inspecting their new homes.

One of them featured a tall, yet dorky-looking blonde kid dragging in luggage for what appears to be his seven sisters; poor guy, Ruby couldn't imagine having that many siblings. Of course, the parents were helping out, but still.

Another one had a tall Chinese boy―and he looked fully Chinese compared to Yang and herself―carrying all the luggage for a short, energetic ginger girl―maybe she was Scottish, or at least European―who was bouncing around him; Ruby never knew that someone could be that hyper. However they don't look related, and their parents hardly resemble them either.

There was a rather tall, European redhead girl with the final family; she possessed grace and kindness as she and her family carried all of their luggage together into their new home. Ruby pursed her lips, realizing that she had seen that girl somewhere before, but couldn't remember where. Huh. Something about that girl rings a bell…

A few houses down her new home was that limo Ruby had spotted earlier. Out of the door, handled by a butler, was a rich European girl with the iciest appearance Ruby had ever saw in her life. She glanced at her servants as they carried luggage out of her limo, but then an older-looking woman looking like your regular average housewife came out of the house with a sheepish smile. They appeared to talk, but Ruby couldn't understand them, and when they finished the servants simply put away the luggage on one spot of the parking lot and retreated into the limo. Both the rich girl and the woman began carrying them all into the house in their place as the limo drove away.

Whoa. She had no idea that there were other kids like her moving in. Well, besides that icy rich girl that is.

"Ruby?" She heard Dad gasping from the door. "You're not wearing any shoes?"

Looking down, Ruby realized her feet were bare―and then she finally felt the cold Autumn fingers of the pavement tickling her soles. Ooh, she better start wearing warm for this weather from now on.

Smiling sheepishly, Ruby apologized and made her way back to the door, stepping only on the sides of her feet as the ground felt strange, cold and callous if she just walked normally. As Dad told her to wear shoes next time and come inside so he could wash her feet, the younger girl protesting she can wash them on her own with a blush, Ruby just noticed a sports car pulling up at the parking space of a house opposite to theirs.

Glynda turned off the engine of the sports car, unlocked the doors, then turned to the passenger occupying the front seat. "Well Blake, this is your new home. I hope you don't mind living out here in the countryside."

Blake, holding her books against the breast of her sweater, smiled softly. "I like it, actually. It's peaceful and quiet out here."

"I'm glad to hear that," Glynda smiled at her.

The pair got out of the sports car, Blake carrying her suitcase and backpack, and headed towards the door. If anything, anxious was too light a word to describe Blake's feelings at the moment. New home, new family, new life. It was too good to be true.

Still, better to not jinx it now.

Adjusting her jacket wrapped around her waist, Blake stood behind Glynda as her new stepmother knocked on the door. Glynda shot a smirk at her. "Stay quiet, I want this to be a surprise."

Blake nodded, then found herself glancing at her leather boots and cargo pants. Ugh, even with her hairbow, she was probably one of the least girliest girls on the planet. She doesn't even put on makeup or paint her nails for goodness sake–

Oh gosh, why was she even caring about that in the first place?

Quiet. Then quick footsteps down the stairs. Locks unlocked. Then the door opened.

A young, nerdy boy wearing a black sock-like cap and a friendly smile peered his head out. "Hello there good fellow! Now how may I help–" He looked up to his visitors and his eyes became wide with shock.

Glynda chuckled. "It's _so_ good to see you again, Eddward."

The boy named Eddward gasped. "M-Mother? I-Is that really you?! You got back from your business trip awfully _early_ today!"

"Yep, it's Mother all right, here in the flesh!"

Blake felt her heart melting as she witnessed mother and son embracing each other, reunited once more. Apparently, Glynda must've been a busy woman for her son to react like that.

"You want to know why Mother's early today? She's gonna be working as a guidance counselor in your school from now on!"

"Oh that's delightful–" Eddward's eyes shot wide open. "Hold on, do you mean you're leaving your _old job_!?"

Glynda chuckled as she let go of Eddward, her hand still on his shoulder. "Being an office worker pays good money, but it kept me away from my son. Besides, I was getting tired of using sticky notes and I'm sure you were too."

No more sticky notes? Was this a dream? Eddward grinned big at his mother, and she grinned back.

Blake cleared her throat, risking being rude in front of a reunion, and caught both of their attention. "I hope I'm not interrupting, but it's cold outside…"

"Oh how careless of me!" Glynda showed Blake and Eddward inside, though the latter was staring at the former. When she closed and locked the door behind them, Glynda removed her coat. "Eddward, I'd like you to meet our new family member," She gestured to the quiet girl. "Blake Goodwitch."

Eddward inspected her, noting her introverted demeanor and the books in her hands. "You never told me we were to be receiving a new relative, Mother."

"Sorry about that, this was a last minute notice. I just adopted her from the orphanage a few days ago."

"She has no parents?"

"Yeah," Blake quickly said―but she it had pained her to lie. "They died in a car accident."

Eddward's discerning face became concern. "Oh how unfortunate! I could only imagine the pain of losing one's parents and having to be relocated to live with a new family in a foreign environment. Well don't you worry Blake, I'll be sure to help you adjust in your new surroundings as best as I can!"

"Thank you." Blake smiled at him. At least nobody's going to be avoiding her like the plague anymore. Not in this quiet part of the country, anyway.

"Glad to hear that, Eddward," Glynda also smiled at him. "Now Eddward, I'm going to go ahead and prepare lunch, so why don't you show your stepsister to her new room?"

"Of course, Mother!"

While Glynda went to the kitchen, Blake followed Eddward upstairs. The pair went down the hallway, and when they reached the end there was a door next to another one that was labeled 'Eddward.' Probably his room. The door they were standing in front of was labeled 'Guest.' Maybe Eddward would replace that with 'Blake.'

"Here is your bedroom, Blake," Eddward opened the door and revealed a plain, yet clean and organized room.

Everywhere, to Blake's surprise, were strips of labels stuck on every household object one could think of: from the windows, the fan, the closet, to the bed, the bookshelf―that's rather convenient for Blake's books―and the trash can. Even every minute detail had a label on it.

Blake went inside and glanced at all of the labels permeating her room. "There's so many labels…"

"Ah," Eddward went inside after her and began removing the labels. "I apologize for that! You see I'm quite the organized person, though it tends to border on neuroticism, but I'll remove the labels for you if you'd like."

"Sure." Her stepbrother was already removing the labels, anyway.

As he scoured her room for more labels, Blake set her backpack next to her desk, which sat at the front of the window, and her suitcase on the foot of her bed. There was something about Eddward's family that had struck her odd when she had met her earlier, but she thought it would've been rude to ask about.

Still, it was better to get this out of the way now. "Eddward, um, I don't know if this is sensitive to you, but where's your father?"

"You can call me Double-D, Blake. It's a nickname everyone here refers to me by." Eddward paused from peeling the label off the closet and turned to Blake. "Oh, Father? My parents are unfortunately divorced, but they still keep in touch with each other."

"Where is he right now?"

"Oh, he's currently working as the principal of Lemon Brook Junior High. Before I was born, he actually worked as an officer in the British Armed Forces."

"...How did your parents meet, then?"

"Oh, they met at a pub in London. Mother was in our Air Force at the time, too."

Blake's eyes became wide. "Your parents _actually_ told you that?"

Eddward chuckled. "Not quite. I only found that out after I came across some collages of their time together while I was cleaning the entire house once."

Not wanting to intrude anymore on family matters, even if she was part of the Goodwitch family now, Blake decided to help out Double-D remove the rest of the labels. After they finished, their mother called for them shouting she had prepared dinner. As they went downstairs, Double-D politely asked if he could tell a bit about herself―but Blake only said she would tell him and Glynda about her personality and not her past. Not yet, anyway.

Or maybe they'll never know. That was probably for the best. After all, who'd want to harbor a former criminal?

* * *

8th graders filed into homeroom, excitement and anxiety murmuring among their numbers. A few members of the Cul-de-Sac clique, who were Kevin, Rolf and Nazz, took their seats next to each other at the very front of the classroom. Greeting them all was a tall, young, well-dressed man whose hand was waving rather energetically.

"Greetings, greetings to all of you students, welcome back to your final year in junior high!" Mr. Oobleck, adjusting his glasses and straightening out his wild, unkempt, green hair, was smiling to his students–

"Excuse me, but that's _Dr._ Oobleck to you, thank you very much! I expect _everyone_ , even my colleagues, to refer to me as _Dr._! Omniscient narrators are no exception to this!"

... _Dr._ Oobleck―"Thank you very kindly, good person!"―adjusting his glasses and straightening out his wild, unkempt, green hair, was smiling to his students. Ah, the final years of junior high. These youths will, before he knew it, graduate and head on out to high school―and, hopefully, to college. Just thinking about all the memories that will be made and the knowledge that will be passed on excited him to no end.

Two particular students came into his classroom, and Oobleck was about to wave at them when he recognized their clothes. Oh dear, _they_ were in his homeroom, weren't they?

"Oh, uh, g-greetings, Mr. Carnegie and Mr. Lovecraft…"

Eddy was scowling as took the nearest desk "Mornin', teach…"

"Greetings to you too, Mr. Ooble!" Ed smiled stupidly and waved at the distraught teacher, taking a seat next to Eddy. "Ed is ready for the torment that will be inflicted upon me known as 'education!'"

"That's _Dr. Oobleck_ , Mr. Lovecraft– Oh, who am I kidding," Oobleck sighed and shook his head. "Well, I might as well prepare for another 'interesting' year, especially with those two around."

But then Oobleck noticed the absence in their midst. He leaned over right in front of them. "Mr. Carnegie, Mr. Lovecraft, where's your good-mannered and upstanding friend, Mr. Goodwitch?"

"I don't know." Eddy shrugged with the same scowl. "Guess he's running late."

Ed also shrugged. "Beats me, Mr. Poblocka. I haven't seen our smart, sock-wearing pal Double-D since yesterday."

Eddy's arms were crossed, but his eyes shot wide open and he pulled Ed in for a whisper. "Wait a minute Lumpy," He snickered. "You think Double-D's playing _hooky_?"

"'Hooky?'" Ed pulled out a fishing pole and showed it to Eddy. "You mean Double-D went out fishing?"

Eddy groaned, snatched the fishing pole and threw it away. "No you lummox!" The fishing pole ended up smashing someone's face. "What I mean is," He whispered right in Ed's ear, failing to resist his chuckles. "Do you think Double-D's _skipping school_ today?"

"Skipping school?" Ed stared at Eddy, then began sweating. "Double-D would never do that!" He snatched Eddy's collar and began biting his fingernails. "He always comes to school 20 minutes before it even opens, Eddy!"

Oobleck nodded. "I must agree with Mr. Lovecraft, Mr. Carnegie, however shocking that may be! Unlike the _both_ of you, Mr. Goodwitch always arrives to class on time—it just so happens that being a human being has finally caught up to him! Let us not jump into conclusions now, we should wait until we receive our upstanding student and see what has kept him–"

The door opened, revealing a panting Double-D and a shadow behind him.

"–Ah, perfect timing!" Oobleck zipped right up beside Double-D. "Mr. Goodwitch, your friends and I were discussing about your unusual tardiness today! Mind if you explain the reason behind it?"

Double-D chuckled abashedly. "W-Well, technically the late bell hasn't rung yet, but if you must know for my unusual tardiness, well…" He glanced over his shoulder.

Ed, Eddy and Dr. Oobleck all leaned together and saw a black hairbow behind Double-D's sock head. The intelligent Ed's eyes widened and he stepped back, revealing a pale Goth-like girl—or rather what a Goth girl would've looked like without her makeup. Her golden eyes blinked in surprise as she hugged her stack of books tighter against her chest. Her black boots and dark-grey cargo pants scrunched as they bunched together with caution. The girl zipped right behind Double-D and her eyes only peered out, her long black hair falling down all the way midway on her back.

"Fellows," Double-D smiled and clasped his hands together. "I want you all to meet my newly-appointed–"

"Double-D's got a _girlfriend_!" Eddy burst out cackling, shooting up before he fell back down on the floor. He rolled around, holding his stomach, unable to control his laughter. "Check it out, Lumpy!" Eddy's hand reached out to Ed's chin and turned his head towards the pair. "Looks like Double-D was getting _lovey-dovey_ with his girl!"

Ed stared at Double-D and the girl, then he too burst out laughing. "Naughty naughty, Double-D! Skipping school so you could make out with your emo love-partner!"

Most of the homeroom, including Kevin, Rolf and Nazz, became hysterical from the two Eds' laughter. Double-D and the girl glanced around the cackles, the former confused and the latter utterly blanched with horror.

Kevin held his stomach, as he was roaring the loudest. "Double-Dork skipped school so he could get it on with his girlfriend!? Never knew he had it in 'im!"

"Rolf is amused by the tenacious passion of the Sock-Headed Ed-Boy, for Rolf was unaware of Double-D Ed-Boy's concupiscent pursuits!"

"I-I'm sorry Double-D, b-but, it's cute and all, b-but, I can't imagine you having a girlfriend!"

A pause, a single moment spent trying to decipher why everyone was laughing at him and Blake, then Double-D's eyes shot wide with anger and he strode towards Eddy—cheeks flushed with red and sweat already permeating his face. "Eddy, what is the meaning of this?!" He snatched his collar and lifted Eddy off the ground.

"Calm down, Sock-Head!" Eddy smoothly wrapped his arm around Double-D's neck and pulled his face right next to his; he wiped a tear from his eye. "Why didn't you tell us before, Double-D! You've been holding out on us all this time, haven't you!?"

"Class, calm down!" Oobleck shot up and raised his hand. "Yes yes, you are all now hungry for your usual gossip about our honors student and his private love life, but you are all being too loud! Besides, you must let the poor man explain himself first! You're all jumping into conclusions too early!"

Everyone's laughter died down a bit, but there were still chuckles among the students.

Double-D, satisfied that he was free to talk, sighed, swallowed and faced the class. "Before I was rudely interrupted by particular _people_ ," He glared at Eddy and Ed, who suddenly shied from his ire. "This lady right behind me—whom you've all terrified and embarrassed now thanks to all of your presumptuous, gossip-starved laughter —is my new _stepsister_ , Blake Goodwitch."

"W-We were running a bit late," Blake suddenly peered out from Double-D's shoulder, though she still only revealed her eyes. "B-Because, I woke up late."

"See, Eddy?" Double-D turned to Eddy with crossed arms. "Blake and I are stepsiblings, nothing more and _certainly_ nothing less!"

Eddy blinked, staring at the intelligent Ed. "That it?" Then he grinned and pulled Double-D in for a whisper. "In that case, why don't you hook me up with that _cute sister_ of yours, eh _Big Bro_?"

All of the sudden Ed's head smashed right into Eddy's chin and the conman Ed flew away from the pair. "You can't do that, Eddy! Double-D's a big brother now, and he has to take care of his little sister just like me!" He turned to the surprised Ed. "Ed will teach you everything he knows about being a good big brother, Double-D!"

"Ah," Double-D chuckled. "Thank you very much, Ed! I'll be sure to consider your offer."  
"Now then," Oobleck cleared his throat and caught the Eds' and Blake's attention. "Can we all take our seats now so I can perform roll-call?"

Without another word, the Eds quickly took their usual seats at the right side of the classroom, with Blake sitting right behind Double-D. For her first day at school, that was… an enlightening experience. Of course, Blake was not satisfied with being already known as "Double-D's girlfriend" in spite of the fact they were now stepsiblings. She was already beginning to hear some of the kids here gossiping about her and Double-D. What a pain.

But more pressing was those friends of Double-D's. Maybe Blake should acquaint herself with them now so she could save unnecessary headache later. As she ruminated over her thoughts, she felt eyes piercing her back and she glanced over her shoulder—only to stare into the eyes of a cool kid wearing a red cap backwards.

Kevin eyed Double-D's supposed girlfriend carefully. She was cute, but it turned out that Double-D never had a girlfriend at all. Then again, in retrospect, the dork was too much of a dork to get one in the first place.

But man, first day in school and she was already starting to associate with the Eds. This could be bad for her.

After breaking eye contact, Kevin leaned over to Rolf and Nazz. "Check it out, guys—that girl over there's already associating with the dweebs."

"Oh," Rolf pursed his eyes. "You mean Double-D Ed-Boy's not-girlfriend but unrelated sister?"

"I never seen her around here before, actually." Nazz too was looking at the Goth-like girl. "You think she's a new kid?"

"I did see a couple moving trucks coming in to the Cul-de-Sac a few days ago," Kevin said. "Looks like there's gonna be a _lot_ of new kids coming in today."

Rolf glanced at Kevin with a raised eyebrow. "Rolf sees no wrong in the arrival of new folks, Shovel-Chin Kev."

"Don't call me that." Kevin glared at Rolf, but it cooled off. "Eh, as long as they don't associate with the Eds, I'm cool with them."

He shot another glance at the new girl one last time, pursing lips. He should try talking to that girl at lunch. Then again, that could be difficult given she was Double-Dork's stepsister.

* * *

 **I haven't seen a _RWBY_ x _Ed Edd n' Eddy_ crossover here that transplants the _RWBY_ cast into the latter's setting. And it's a shame too, because there's a missed opportunity in this section of the site that could actually be really great if written write.**

 **Now, this** **kind of crossover is strange enough already such that writing a literal crossing between the two shows is going to be quite difficult. _RWBY_ is a show that was meant to be serious eventually, even if the creators failed to foreshadow that well, and _Ed Edd n' Eddy_ is inherently comedic, and while it is sadistic to its cast it's ultimately light-hearted and not terribly serious even during the movie. I think that by combining the comedy and light-hearted moments the fans had initially expected from _RWBY_ and the slapstick comedy and contemporary setting of _Ed Edd n' Eddy_ in this fusionverse fic, you get yourself a crossover that works well. Strange, given the fandoms being crossed here, but works well.**

 **At least, I hope _Ed Edd n' RWBY_ works well!**

 **Think of this fic as a new season for _Ed Edd n' Eddy_ , only it's expanding upon the cast and setting with the addition of the _RWBY_ cast. Of course I'll have to take creative liberties to accommodate the _RWBY_ characters into a contemporary Earth setting, but hopefully all of their personalities will remain largely intact.**

 **Having written a previous _RWBY_ crossover, for those of you following _From Ranger To Huntsman_ I'm afraid it'll be continued to be on hiatus. Considering the breadth and complexity of a such a fic―and the fact that _From Ranger To Huntsman_ is planned to be a _series_ ―I just don't have the experience needed to competently pull it off. My apologies to followers of that fic. But _Ed Edd n' RWBY_ is definitely my first true foray into a multi-chapter fic, and considering its largely episodic and inherently comedic nature this should help me learn more about writing multi-chapter fics for future projects.**

 **With all that said, I hope all of you readers have enjoyed the first chapter of _Ed Edd n' RWBY_. Technically we're not done with Episode 1 yet, as this is most definitely going to be a two-parter. Expect the next part to come along in the next several days.**

 **Until then, fare thee well!**

 **-SdaTheArtist.**


	2. S1, EP1: Ruby Ed – Part II

**Okay, I lied. I didn't expect the hypothetical first episode, the pilot episode, no less, of _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ to balloon up into nearly 10,000 words. ****At this point, consider the first episode to be a three-part chapter now.**

 **For those who read the first chapter: I added a few additional scenes to the end that was meant for the next chapter, so I advise starting where the first chapter was supposed to end.**

 **Thank you all for being patient; writing this episode took longer than expected, but I'm glad I took the time to write a quality-enough chapter appropriate for a serialized fic series such as this. I would also like to thank those who either gave _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ a shot, reviewed, followed and/or favorited the fic. Even a small, modest reception can be enough to motivate a writer on this site to keep writing.**

 **The rest of the author's note will be appended at the end of this chapter.**

* * *

Shifty eyes, shallow gasps, shivering body, towering shadows, endless hallways, huge school, terror pumping through her veins, judgemental stares, gossipy whispers.

Bursting into the cafeteria, Ruby quickly took the nearest, empty table right next to the corner. Some eyes turned to her, but she pretended they weren't there. One glance and she saw a long lunch line; good thing she had packed her own lunch.

Bad thing her Expression and Courage were _terrible_.

Man, it sucked being the new kid at this school. Ruby betted that, judging by the way everyone was looking at her as she had passed by in the hallways earlier, that she was already the center of gossip in their social circles. Ugh, she _really_ didn't want all that attention on herself at all, but she guessed that was a given considering Ruby was a transfer student here. If only her friends had transferred here with her.

The corner here was quiet and empty at least—unlike the entire dang cafeteria.

As Ruby zipped open her _Fairy Tail_ lunchbox, which had an adorable chibi Natsu printed on the front, she noticed a bald kid staring at her. He held a tray of lunch on one hand and plank of wood with a face on another, the latter which Ruby found weird.

The bald kid then smiled. "Hi'ya there, pal! You new around here or somethin'?"

Well, at least the guy seemed friendly enough. "Um, yeah…"

"Cool! I'm Jonny!" He stuck his hand out and approached Ruby. "Nice to meet ya', new kid!"

With a slight frown that became a quick smile, Ruby shook Jonny's hand. "Nice to meet ya' too, Jonny. I-I'm Ruby."

"'Ruby,' like the gem? That's cool!" The boy then gestured to the plank of wood. "This is my pal, Plank! Striking resemblance, isn't it?"

Ruby could do nothing but nod and smile despite being creeped out. "Uh, yeah, sure, it's, uh, very striking."

Jonny paused and looked at Plank. "What's that buddy?" He held Plank up against his ear, as if he was trying to listen to the thoughts of a piece of dead wood. While Jonny seemed nice enough, Ruby thought the guy to be rather eccentric—and she thought she herself was weird enough.

"Whaddya' mean Ruby and the author just insulted us? You _sure_ are weird sometimes, huh Plank?"

Okay, even Ruby wasn't _that_ weird—but Plank's supposed reply made Ruby shiver somewhat. How could a piece of dead wood know she thought Jonny was creepy, much less the thoughts of an author? This wasn't some romcom high school AU fanfic. (Extra points if it was written for either _Naruto_ or _Fairy Tail_ , or heck, even _One Piece_.)

"Alright buddy, that's it, no more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for you!" Jonny turned to Ruby with an abashed smile. "Sorry about that, Ruby! My friend Plank here can be pretty weird sometimes, but he's usually a nice guy! Well, I'm sure you're busy trying to get used to this school and now, so catcha' later Ruby! And welcome to Peach Creek!"

Jonny waved back at Ruby as he went away, the latter waving back. Now that she thought about it, she felt a bit like garbage for thinking Jonny was a creepy kid. He's nice, he's just weird like herself.

Oh man, now she just contradicted herself!

Supposing that her previous impression of him didn't matter now, Ruby opened her lunchbox and took out her hot thermos of chicken noodle soup, a bag of grapes, another thermos, this time cold and filled with water, and a bag of baked chips. She opened her thermos, grabbed a spoon and began eating her soup when she jumped from a loud crashing noise.

Glancing to the cafeteria's entrance, Ruby saw the doors slammed wide open to reveal four kids coming in. Three of them were boys and one was a girl, and the tall and short ones ran to the lunch line, both of them laughing, like they were motorcycles in some street race. Meanwhile, the sock-wearing boy looked exasperated while the girl, who was least girliest-looking girl on the planet with her boots, cargo pants and leather jacket, quietly followed behind the boy's back. If this were still the 60s—or was it the 70s?—she probably would've been a female Greaser if not for her admittedly cute hairbow. Not that Ruby considered herself a preppy girl herself, for she was the epitome of nerdy—or geeky, to put it another way.

"Race ya', Lumpy!" The shorty laughed as he sped towards the line.

The tall kid seemed lost in his world, however. "Oh boy oh boy, it's _Gravy Tuesday_ Eddy!"

"Eddy, Ed! You both know that running's not allowed in the school!"

Geez, those two were _really_ loud. Could they, like, calm down for two seconds?

Ruby focused her attention on her chicken noodle soup, but as she looked down she locked eyes with the tall kid's. He was right underneath the table, looking up from between _her_ legs.

"Hello there new girl, my name is Ed!"

A scream, then Ruby leaped out of her seat, fell back on the floor and crawled all the way back up against the wall. Her back pushed rebelliously against the towering obstacle, but it wouldn't budge, not even as the tall kid came over to her with that terrifying grin on his face.

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh–!"

"Ed, you idiot!" The tall kid's face found itself decked by a flying tray, and he was thrown off to the side as the short one hopped into the scene with a scowl. When he glanced at Ruby, his scowl became wide-eyed surprise—then it became a smirk. He slid right next to the terrified girl, snaking his hand around her neck. "What's cookin', _good lookin'_?"

Cookin'? _Good lookin'_?! Of all the things to happen to her on the first day, it _had_ to be getting hit on! Ruby's entire face became fiery scarlet, sweat already trickling down her forehead in the droplets.

"Eddy!" Ruby looked at the sock-wearing boy and his shy companion. "You leave that poor, defenseless girl alone right now, Mister! Haven't you already completely disregarded your own dignity just to score yourself a girlfriend during homeroom for one day?!"

Oh thank goodness that sock-wearing boy came in and rescued her. Ruby had no idea what would happen if the short guy went any further.

"Well," the short kid shot up and glared at the sock-wearing kid. "It ain't my fault everyone thought that Mr. Smarty-Pants came in with his girlfriend on the first day!"

The sock-wearing boy growled. "Oh, the nerve of some people," Then he approached Ruby with a cautious, considerate gait. "Are you alright? Pardon my friends, for they can be quite full of energy."

"Um, y-yeah," Ruby nodded, though she was already starting to feel woozy. "I-I think."

"I certainly hope my friend here hasn't been more invasive and rude than he already has been." A pause, then Ruby vaguely saw confusion in the sock-wearing boy's eyes. "Pardon me Miss, I don't certainly don't mean to lay more baggage on your shoulders than need be, but are you perhaps a transfer student? I have never seen you around the school before, so forgive me for the curiosity."

Ruby took a deep breath as she got up with the sock-wearing boy's help, then she stuffed her hands in her pockets and gazed somewhere else. "...Yeah, sure am."

"Oh," The sock-wearing boy nodded. "Then you're like my stepsister over here," He gestured to the quiet girl behind him. "I really do hope your _colorful_ interaction with my friends hadn't wholly gave you a negative impression of our school."

"To be honest, I wish I wasn't even in this school right now." Ruby then turned to the sock-wearing boy with raised hands. "N-Not that I mean that Peach Creek's a cruddy school! It's just that," Her face became a frown. "It's just that I wish I was with my friends back home."

All of the sudden the short boy slid up right next to Ruby again; ugh, again? "Did you say 'friends,' Red? Well you're in luck, shortcake, 'cause you got pals of your own already!"

"And _that_ would be…?"

"Us three!" He gestured towards everyone, but he quickly added and Blake after receiving a glare from both the girl and sock-wearing boy. Regaining his composure, he gestured to himself. "Eddy, only the _coolest_ kid in town," He pointed to the intelligent boy. "Double-D," He pointed to the tall boy, who just got out of the huge human-shaped indent from the wall like nothing. "Ed," He pointed again to Double-D's companion. "Blake!"

Ruby stared at the four kids before her. " _Okay_ , so you all guys are my friends now…?"

"Yep!" Ed smiled at Ruby as he came over and gave her a bone-crushing hug. "We sure are friends now, Little Red Riding Hood! We three Eds and Blake are the bread, butter and knife, plus jam! The bowl, milk and cereal, plus spoon! The hop, skippity and scotch, plus foot!"

Despite Ed's loveable tangent, Ruby found herself gagging from the stench emitted by his jacket. Did this guy ever took a shower in his life? Ugh, she never knew someone could smell _that_ bad—and she thought Yang smelled pretty bad when she forgot to put on deodorant.

Blake looked worried. "Uh, Ed, aren't you crushing her…?"

"Yep, crushing her I am, Blake! That's how hugs work, after all!"

Ed did put Ruby down, but she was too desperate for much-needed air to refuse them sitting at her table. As she crawled back to her seat, the Eds and Blake undoubtedly causing a ruckus, she already sensed the countless stares thrown at her way, both from the lunch line _and_ nearby tables. Oh man, this was already starting to suck.

Meanwhile, Double-D, taking a seat next to a smiling Eddy, narrowed his eyes at him. "Really, Eddy? First you attempt to hit on this poor girl, and _now_ you want to become her friend? What has gotten into you, lately?"

"Oh put a sock in it, Sock-Head," Eddy's smile never went away despite the retort. "I just got a plan, and it's gonna be _rich_." Money signs popped in his eyes.

Double-D crossed his arms. "Oh don't tell me, _you_ are gonna scam Ruby, aren't you?"

"It won't be only Ruby that's getting scammed, but I'll tell ya' later."

"I _swear_ by my hat, Eddy, if you are involving _my sister_ in this…"

His eyes unusually wide, Eddy raised his hands. "I swear Double-D, I swear! I ain't scammin' your sis', alright?" However, Eddy still couldn't resist chuckling.

A few tables away from Ruby, Blake and the Eds, Ren and Nora, who were lunching together, had witnessed the entire scene play out before them. It was the first day of school and things were already starting to get interesting. For Nora, at least it won't get boring, but she wasn't sure if Ren would like the excitement.

Nora turned to Ren. "Y'know Ren, we gotta make more friends. I mean, we've been together-together since _forever_ and all, but it'd great if we have more friends to talk to!"

"You do make a good point," He hummed, rubbing his chin as he glanced around the rest of the cafeteria, wondering how they were going to do that.

"Y-You really think so!?" Nora then regain her composure. "I-I mean of course it's a good point, because I _always_ make a good point, right Ren!?"

"I hate to burst your bubble, but not everyone always makes a good point; not even you, Nora."

Nora frowned. "Yeah, you're right." Then she smiled again and began stuffing more pancakes and gravy into her mouth. "Y'know, pancakes and gravy may sound disgusting, but," She swallowed in one go. "They're actually pretty good!"

"Uh huh…"

"Don't gimme that lip, Ren! I know you wanna try some!"

Just as Nora grabbed some gravy-soaked pancakes for Ren, they both heard a yelp followed by a crash. When they turned to the source, they saw a dazed blonde boy lying on the floor and a blonde girl walking away, not even looking back the boy as if in contempt. The poor boy had a tray smashed right around his neck and an assortment of spilled milk, hotdog, ketchup and mustard dirtying his face and clothes.

Another kid, wearing a red cap backwards, laughed at the boy. "Man, so much for asking Nazz out, new kid!"

A tall foreign kid with blue hair nodded as he chuckled. "Rolf is amused by the blonde new-boy's attempts at courting the popular Nazz-girl, for Nazz-girl does not treat such attempts lightly like you do!"

"Oh man," The poor blonde kid grimaced as he delicately removed the hotdog bun from his shirt. "My mom just washed this this morning, too."

Nora and Ren turned back to each other. "You think we should help out that new kid there, Ren? I mean, we _are_ new kids too, ya' know."

"Yeah," Ren nodded. "Let's help him."

After the other kids departed, Ren and Nora descended upon the poor boy and helped him up to his feet. Man, whatever happened here didn't look pretty—neither did his apparent asking out with that girl, who was most likely Nazz. The pair helped wipe the food and condiments off of him with their spare napkins.

"Hey," Nora looked at him with concern. "You alright man?"

"Other than my pride, I-I'm fine." The boy sighed. "Where did I go wrong? My dad said all I need is confidence, so why did she hit me like that?"

Ren raised an eyebrow. "What did you say to her?"

"A-All I said was 'Hey baby, you're lookin' pretty cute today, wanna hang out, get to know each other?' and then, well, you know the rest."

Nora snickered. "Dude, you were, like, _totally_ too forward. You need to be a lot more subtle than that if you want to get a girlfriend, man."

"Well, in that case," The boy smirked at Nora. "Wanna hang out, get to know each other?"

" _And_ he just missed the point, didn't he?" Nora sighed, then stood up with fists on her hips. "Sorry Blondie, but _I'm_ already taken."

The boy looked at Ren, then at her, and then he gasped. "O-Oh, I-I didn't know your friend over there's your boyfriend! Sorry about that!"

"Yes," Nora smiled, but then it became horror and she shook her head. "Wait, I mean, no! No no no no no no no, y-you got it all wrong man, see, him and I have been together since _forever_ , but, y'know, not _together-together_ , we're just, together! As _friends_! Nothing more!"

Ren narrowed his eyes at Nora with a slow nod. "Uh-huh…"

Nora glared back. "Ren, don't gimme that _lip_ now!"

They both heard a snicker from the boy and they turned to him with curiosity. "S-Sorry, but for someone who says she's just friends with him, you two sure get along _pretty_ well."

"Like I said," Nora crossed her arms. "My friend and I have been friends since forever—and I mean _forever_."

The boy nodded. "Right. Anyway, I'm Jaune. Jaune Arc. It's short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it," His smirk became a frown. "Well, I _thought_ they'd love it, but after what happened here, I'm not so sure anymore."

"Well Lady-Killer, the name's Nora Valkyrie. Yeah, don't ask about the last name, I know, it's a bit weird." She gestured towards her Chinese friend. "And this is Lie Ren, my partner-in-crime and life-long friend!"

"How do you do, Jaune?"

"Fine, I guess." It was curious why Nora called Lie "Ren" as opposed to his first name, but then again it was basically "Lie," like "lying." Jaune looked at them. "Hey, is it alright if I eat with you guys?"

Nora smiled and nodded. "Yeah, sure! It's not like we're part of a clique or anything anyway. Outcasts are welcome!"

Jaune winced, but he quickly smiled and followed the pair back to their table. On his way there, however, he noticed the cafeteria doors opening—revealing two _stunningly-beautiful_ girls. Jaune couldn't help but stare at them both.

The one to the left had long hair, its color a fiery crimson, green-eyes, tanned skin, was tall, a fancy dress that could've been a school uniform and was full of smiles. The one to the right was a literal ice princess of a snow kingdom; icy-pale skin, icy eyes, long, icy hair, icy everything. Even her school dress had reflected her icy motif. To Jaune, they were like angels who had descended upon the mortal realm, garnering attention from the love-yearning eyes of men—especially the icy girl. Especially _her_.

A stark realization struck his longing heart―the stark realization of being in love.

Nora and Ren, having noticed their new friend's lovestruck gaze, glanced at his object of affections and their eyes became wide. "Oh my _gosh_ , Ren, are they–?"

Ren looked back at her, an unusually surprised look in his eyes, as if confirming their suspicions, before glancing back at the pair.

The pair, known as Pyrrha and Weiss, walked down to the lunch line as they discussed their lives. Neither of them had expected to meet each other in the same school, and as they were both famous in the US for different reasons when they first saw each other they thought it appropriate to meet with one another for a talk. Suffice to say, it was proving quite productive.

"It's difficult to believe that an _exceptional_ honors student like yourself would be attending a mediocre school like Peach Creek." Weiss said.

Pyrrha chuckled abashedly. "Well, my parents' jobs are in the city near here, and I didn't minded if I attend this school. In fact, I find Peach Creek Junior High to be rather quaint."

"But seriously, why not attend a private school—an institution fitting for someone of your own caliber?"

"Why is the illustrious heiress to the Schnee Candy Company attending a 'mediocre' school like Peach Creek?"

Weiss paused, silently swallowing.

Pyrrha laughed quietly. "I suppose we have our own reasons for attending a public school, then. I probably shouldn't pry more on your private affairs."

"Oh no, that's quite alright," Weiss waved her hand. "I should apologize for prying on your private affairs, as well."

"You're forgiven, though I don't think it matters much now."

"Anyway, Pyrrha, what do you plan to do with your time here in Peach Creek? While I do admit it _is_ regarded around this region as a good school, you will be only able to take honors classes until you graduate and go to high school―where you'll have access to more options like AP."

Pyrrha shrugged as they fell in line. "Take as much honors classes as I humanely can, I suppose. That, and perhaps look around the school for any clubs or organizations that suits my interests. Other than that, I guess I'll let the proverbial cards fall where they may be. What about you, Weiss?"

"Depending on, uh," Weiss paused. "My grades, I'll probably still utilize the public education system barring unforeseen circumstances."

"I must say―and terribly sorry if I'm being rude here, but―it _is_ rather strange that Weiss Schnee is attending a public school. Even an honors student like myself is still limited by my family's unfortunately meagre wealth."

"Yes," Weiss scratched her neck. " _Indeed_ it is."

Pyrrha pursed her lips, raising an eyebrow, but before considering whether or not to press her further, a blonde boy, who was smirking very wide, slid in between the both of them. She and Weiss both backed away a bit, surprised by his sudden appearance.

"Hey there, Snow White," The boy clicked his tongue at Weiss, his smirk still up. "I can't help but notice how radiant you are."

Weiss sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Oh for _Heaven's sake_ …"

On the other hand, Pyrrha giggled. What kind of one-liner was that? You had to be pretty dumb to try and pull something as cheesy as that. Still, it was kinda cute.

"Weiss Schnee, was it? Cute name, rolls off the tongue perfectly like mine."

"'Like yours?'" Weiss narrowed her eyes.

"Yep Weiss, the name's _Jaune Arc_." He flashed a smile. "Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, just like yours."

"Yeah that's nice and all, but, um, look, you're kinda disturbing us–"

Jaune gasped as he brought his hands up. "You really think so!?"

"Wait," Weiss stared at him. "Which part?"

Pyrrha stepped in between Jaune and Weiss and held his shoulder. "Jaune, right? I don't think you're disturbing us."

"Wait, I am?" Jaune winced and backed off a bit, gazing somewhere else as he held his neck. "Oh geez, err, w-whoops? Sorry about that, Weiss and, uh, um…"

Hold on, did this boy not know who Pyrrha was? She looked at him, almost unsure if what she was witnessing was truly real or not.

On the other hand, Weiss stared at Jaune in shock. "You don't know who she _is_?"

"...Not a clue."

Weiss facepalmed. "She's _Pyrrha Nikos_! You know, renowned honors student in the US and up and coming Olympian athlete in a couple years?" Jaune stared. "Winner of countless scholarships?" Jaune still stared. "Hundreds of hours of charity and volunteer work?" Weiss was getting irritated by Jaune's staring. "Participant of many extracurriculars and member of reputable student organizations?" Weiss's eye began twitching. "Came from a lower-class family?!" Weiss clenched her teeth. " _Hello_?!"

"Uh, _gesundheit_?"

"Oh for the love of," Weiss pulled out a blue cereal box from behind and smashed it right into Jaune's face; he yelped while Pyrrha jumped in fright. " _She's in the front cover of every_ Mellogs' Frosted Flakes _box_ , _you dolt_!"

Weiss pulled away the cereal box, but Jaune's face peeled off like a bandaid and had became the box's shape. Jaune shook his head and paused, earning a baited, barely-controlled growl from the heiress.

Luckily, a stroke of clarity popped in his head. " _Oh_ yeah!" He gasped and stared at Pyrrha. "You _are_ on the front cover of every _Frosted Flakes_ box! They only do that for movie stars, athletes and cartoon characters!"

"Well" Pyrrha chuckled, though her smile seemed to have faded. "I've been garnering quite a bit of attention from the media ever since my parents pushed me to excel in my academics. I still find it unbelievable myself!"

"Well Pyrrha, why don'tcha come along with me and I'll show you a good time? I know a diner around town that has great food, it'll be on me! Weiss is invited too! Whaddya' say, guys?"

Having enough of her fill of Jaune for one day, she grabbed a strangely blushing Pyrrha's shoulders and began tugging her towards the lunch line. "Yeah, as much as my friend here would like to hang out with you, we still got lunch to eat, right Pyrrha?"

"I'm actually not–"

Weiss slapped her hand on Pyrrha's mouth. "See Jaune? We're _both_ hungry, so why don't you go and eat your lunch or something?"

And with that, Weiss pulled Pyrrha away from Jaune and they disappeared into the thick crowd that was the lunch line. Jaune sighed, ignoring the rather loud laughter coming from Nora, turned away from the line and began his way back to his new friends. He felt judging, prying, amused eyes piercing into his very soul.

Or rather people who were laughing their butts off from the spectacle. Whichever's worse.

As witnesses of Jaune's failure from the far corner of the cafeteria, Ed and Eddy had lost themselves in boisterous laughter. The poor guy's attempts at being a lady-killer were abysmal, to say the least. Even Blake and Ruby had a difficult time masking their chuckles from the Eds.

"Oh man," Eddy wiped a tear from his eye. "Did you see the way Blondie tried to pick up those girls? 'Hey there, Snow White! I can't help but notice how _radiant_ you are!' What kinda stupid one-liner was that!?"

Ed held his gut. "He should've given Snow White a poisoned apple, Eddy!"

"Yeah, and when that girl falls asleep from the apple, I bet he's gonna come in as her knight in shining armor and kiss her on the _lips_!"

Much to the irritation of the other lunching students around them, the two Eds couldn't keep their obnoxiously-loud laughter to themselves. In Blake and Ruby's case, they were glad they weren't as loud as Eddy and Ed, though they both knew that could've easily been them as well had the blonde boy gone any further with his wooing attempts.

Eddy wrapped his arm around Double-D's neck as he gasped for air. "Oh, all that laughing can do a number on your gut, huh Double-D?" No response. Eddy turned to him. "Double-D?"

When the scammer looked at his intelligent friend, he had a thousand-yard stare in his eyes—only instead of horror it had blatant surprise as they slowly turned. Eddy looked at Double-D's eyes, then he followed their direction and saw them staring at the red-haired girl; Eddy looked back at Double-D, surprised.

"Oh the wonders of adolescent hormones, fellows. Beautiful, young, intelligent _and_ mature," Hearts popped in Double-D's eyes as he saw Pyrrha running her hand through her long hair. "I think I've finally found my match, gentleman. What this is this feeling? Is it the feeling of _yearning_ for one's true soulmate? Oh Eddy," Double-D brought his hands against his cheek. " _I think I'm falling in love with_ the _Pyrrha Nikos!_ "

The only thing that prevented Eddy from busting his gut again was his unprecedented restraint. Snickering, he pulled Ed over and pointed at Double-D. "Check it out Ed, Romeo's hitting on that famous Pina Leto girl!"

"You mean Pyrrha Nikos?" Then Ed snickered. "My gut's already been busted, Eddy!"

"Yeah, mine too." Then an idea popped in his head. "Hey, remember what I told you about the scam earlier? Y'know, the one involving the new kids?"

"You mean the transfer students like Ruby and Blake?"

Eddy pulled Ed's ear right into his mouth. "Keep it down, Lumpy! And it's not just Ruby and Blake, it's _all_ of the transfers, Ed. Remember what Double-D said about that dominant social click or whatever the other day? Looks like this is gonna be our _big break_." Eddy smirked as he rubbed his hands, but it became a scowl. "The only problem here is Sock-Head snitching on us, being Blake's big bro and all," He turned his scowl to Double-D, but his smirk returned as he continued whispering in Ed's ear. " _But_ I think I just found the _perfect_ opportunity to keep our sock-wearing friend here busy."

"But don't we need Double-D's help for the scam, Eddy?"

"You just worry about setting the scam up, I'll go deal with Double-D. Got it, Monobrow?"

Ed saluted him. "Abso-positively, Eddy!"

Eddy told him to keep it down again, but he still chuckled as he looked at Double-D. He couldn't actually believe that Double-D was hitting on a girl right in front of him. Then again, Pyrrha was smart and a girl, and Double-D was smart and a guy, so Eddy supposed it was basic logic a smart guy would go for a smart girl.

But oh boy, if this scam was a success—no, it _will_ be a success this time—he'll be swimming in jawbreakers in no time! And he'll be able to do it over and over without them telling everyone about how the Eds were a bunch of sore losers!

That'll show Double-D!

* * *

When the final bell rang, Eddy burst out of his math classroom and ran through the hallway. Finally! He hated math, but he hated Ms. Peach even more for being such a strict, stupid teacher. So what if Eddy accidentally launched a bunch of pencils straight into the ceiling with Jonny's head? No one got hurt!

The hallways were filled with countless students getting their things from their lockers as usual, so Eddy slowed down and weaved his way through the crowds before soon reaching his own locker. As he got his things, he heard a commotion coming from the way he just came through and took a glance—only to see Shovel-Chin gathering a crowd of fans as usual. He scoffed with a scowl. How the heck did a stupid, lame idiot who's full of himself like Kevin get popular in the first place? To this very day, Eddy still didn't understand the reasoning behind that.

Shovel-Chin had already been signing autographs to kids' photos of him during some tournament that took place in gym class when the crowd suddenly began dispersing from him. Eddy raised an eyebrow. Weird, that's never happened before. When he and Kevin looked at whatever's driving the kids somewhere else, they both spotted Pyrrha quietly walking down the hall—attracting a _gigantic_ crowd of her own fans. They all clamored to her, asking for photographs and autographs and her studious notes and tutoring lessons and even private lessons.

"Um, w-well," Pyrrha seemed rather stressed out. "I-I suppose I can– _W-Whoa_!"

The crowd had overwhelmed Pyrrha and she found herself yelping as she drowned in the sea of her fans. Kevin and Eddy were the only beings left in the otherwise empty hallways—for all the kids, even Double-D and members of the Cul-de-Sac clique, were congregating around Pyrrha.

Kevin scowled. "How come _she's_ getting all the praise even though I won first place in the basketball tournament?" He brought his trophy up. "Hey! She's not the only one who's popular here y'know!"

Eddy couldn't help but snicker at the pathetic sight. Oh man, Shovel-Chin sure got served his just desserts. Take that, Kev!

Hearing Eddy's snickering, a flustered Kevin marched towards Eddy. "Not _one_ peep outta you." He left, muttering dork and a bunch of other mumbles and curses unfit for young eyes.

When he was sure Kevin was out of hearing range, Eddy laughed out loud and fell on the floor. As he lost himself in another laughing fit, Ed came round the corner and spotted their ringleader rolling around in hysterics.

He went over to him, confused by the sight. "Kevin sure looked unhappy when I saw him just now, Eddy."

"Oh Ed," Eddy wiped a tear from his eye. "You should've been there; Shovel-Chin's just got served with his own medicine!"

"Is Kevin sick, Eddy?"

"No Ed, he just got one-upped by Pinata over there." He leaped back onto his feet. "Let's just get this scam underway."

"What about Double-D, Eddy?"

The scammer grinned evilly. "Already dealt with Sock-Head, Ed." Eddy had found out Double-D and Pyrrha shared the same last period after lunch, so he got the unsuspecting Ed to fixate on her for practically the entire day. Confirming the success of his operation was when Eddy saw Double-D being part of the crowd that had swarmed Pyrrha earlier. "Now all we need is to attract the transfer students."

"But what about Pyrrha, Eddy?"

"Ed," Eddy glared at him. "You ask too many questions. Of course I'm gonna have to leave her to Double-D, but it's a loss I'm gonna have to take! Besides," He grinned again and snaked his arm around Ed's neck. "I'll be charging _premium_ for this scam. I can already see the jawbreakers _rolling in_ , Ed!"

The loveable oaf grinned, his mouth salivating. "Jawbreakers good for Ed, Eddy!"

Eddy chuckled evilly as he and Ed headed to the front doors of the school.

* * *

 **Well, looks like Eddy's up to no good again as usual, :).**

 **Alright, so here's how I'm going to approach responding to the audience: I'll write a generalized response that will address the common points brought up by all of you; for any specific points, I will address them personally over PM, but I will note them underneath the general response. That should give you guys needed answers whilst covering any specific questions the general response couldn't cover.**

 **Considering I only have six reviews total at the time of this writing, for this chapter I will address them here:**

 **MrGreen37:** **Yes, RWBY will help out the Eds with the scams—or at least Ruby, Weiss and Blake. Due to the way in which I canonized the RWBY cast into the real world, Yang will unfortunately have to be delegated into a supporting role. Don't worry, she still will be involved in the Eds' antics. After all, she's Ruby's Big Sis'. ;).**

 **bestpony666:** **I haven't considered the supporting teams, actually; it was only teams RWBY and JNPR that I had thought about bringing in, plus STRQ and the teaching staff of Beacon. I can probably bring in Team SSSN and Team CFVY in later episodes, but I know nothing about the teams that were introduced as opponents of the canons in Season 3's Vytal Tournament. As a result, I'm afraid these May and Reese characters and their teammates won't be featured in _Ed, Edd n RWBY_.**

 **The Lizard** **King : _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ won't be a pairing-centric story. It was never the point of both the original _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ and _RWBY_ canons and I won't introduce any official pairing within this fic itself—at least, not without a sufficient, logical reason. **

**That being said, _shiptease_ will be used as a tool to complement the slapstick comedy _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ is best known for, ;).**

 **Guest:** **Uh, this is an _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ fic; of course slapstick is going to be used, it's the staple of the show. What _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ fic would be without it? :P That being said, I want to avoid rehashing past scams/episodes as much as I can and instead come up with original scams that'll be humorous for all. (Except for the Eds—and now Ruby, Weiss and Blake—of course, :D.) **

**Of course, you—the general reader— _are_ going to see episodes that take inspiration from previous installments in the _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ series—the first episode, unfortunately, rehashing a scam (!MINOR SPOILERS!) from _Postcards From the_ Ed (!END OF SPOILERS!)—but hopefully they won't be too derivative.**

 **Alright, depending on how many reviews I get next chapter, I'll hopefully be able to use the format I outlined above the responses so my author's notes won't balloon more than need be. As for the posting schedule, I'm hoping that I'll post one chapter roughly per week. Of course, we're all human and have lives outside of fan fiction, so don't worry if I miss my deadline.**

 **Until next time, fare thee well dear readers!**

 **-SdaTheArtist.**


	3. S1, EP1: Ruby Ed – Part III

**Welp, this is probably _the_ longest chapter in this fic, and we're only at the third chapter right now. (This chapter is currently standing at 9,113 words, not accounting for word-count resulting from authors' notes.) I decided to post this earlier than scheduled, as I already had one-third of this chapter written by the time I had published the second chapter, so I hope you enjoy the early update.**

 **Once again, I thank you all for taking your time to enjoy _Ed, Edd n_ _RWBY_ and your favorites, reviews and follows. Due to low reception though, I'm still going to respond to the individual reviews made between the last update and this one.**

 **As always, the rest of the author's note will be appended at end of this chapter. I also have an announcement to make at the end as well, pertaining to the idea of pairings in _Ed, Edd n RWBY_.**

* * *

Ruby went down the steps of Peach Creek, sighing with the utmost relief that her first day of school had went by without any trouble whatsoever. She can finally now return home, get on her GS3 or maybe Vitae, maybe play some _Mask 4: Emerald_ and finish off the final, tough-as-nails dungeon. Of course, she'll have to do her homework before then. Thankfully, the homework load wasn't too big. Or maybe instead of playing _Mask 4_ , after her homework of course, she should try leveling up her _real-life_ social stats so she doesn't have to be that awkward, shy kid who's actually a genius.

Last she checked, her Expression and Courage levels were both currently _Sucked_.

As she continued to consider her options, two people popped up right in front of her and Ruby found herself stopped in her tracks. She realized they were Ed and Eddy, her new 'friends,' or so they had claimed.

"Ed? Eddy?" Ruby noticed the lacking of one of their friends. "Where's Double-D?"

Eddy just smirked. "Oh don't worry about Double-D, he's just studying with Pyramid."

"You mean Pyrrha, right?"

"Who cares, same thing, right?" He gestured for her to come with him. "Anyway Red, I got something _cool_ to show you and the others. Wanna come with?"

Cool? What kinda cool was Eddy talking about? And did he say there were others coming with him?

"Eddy, right?"

Thankfully, Blake came in just at the right moment. Ruby saw her descending the stairs and approaching them, looking as quiet as ever. "Have you seen Double-D anywhere? I-I can't find him."

"Double-D is studying with Pyrrha right now, Blake!" Ed said before patting her head. "But don't worry, for I am filling in for Double-D for today!"

Blake frowned, both unsure of Ed's hand and anxious about her stepbrother's anxious. "Um, thanks Ed, but…"

"Cool, now let's get going you two!" Eddy ran around behind them and began pushing them together down the sidewalk. "You guys are gonna get your socks _knocked off_ when you see this!"

Panic broke out in Ruby's voice. "B-But I don't wanna get my socks knocked off! I like my feet warm and fuzzy!"

"Don't your feet need to breath, Ruby?" Ed ran in front of the girls in that strange, airy gait of his.

Ruby blinked. "Uh, what? People don't breathe through their feet, Ed…"

"Just ignore Monobrow, Red."

"I got a name, you know!"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know, Riding Hood, whatever, now come on!"

In spite of Ruby's protests Eddy had pushed the girls all the way to the playground of the Cul-de-Sac, where a small crowd of kids stood there at the entrance. When they reached the playground's entrance, Eddy parked Ruby and Blake right behind Jaune, Nora and Ren before zipping off to Lord knows where.

"Uh," Ruby glanced at Double-D's stepsister. "Blake, right?"

"Yeah. You Ruby?"

Ruby nodded. "Yep, that's me alright."

"What's exactly going on here?"

To be honest, Ruby was wondering why she, Blake and the other transfers were standing in front of the playground entrance. She shook her head, eyes narrowed. "I have _no_ idea."

Then they all heard an engine roaring down the Lane. Was there a car coming down this narrow alleyway? They all looked down to the right, only to back away as a giant, cardboard box with wheels, drawn in the likeness of a bus, rolled right past them. The box bus stopped exactly right at the entrance, and when the ladder, cobbled out of rope, plank and kitchen utensils, rolled down Eddy had jumped onto the ground wearing a hula shirt, sunglasses, straw hat and a camera.

"Hello suckers– I mean, newcomers to Peach Creek!" Eddy flamboyantly spread his arms out. "Welcome to _Eddy's Deluxe Tourline_! It's the swankiest, the most hippest, but not _too_ expensive tourline in the Cul-de-Sac, and this time we're offering special new offers to our new neighbors who just moved in here!"

Jaune's eyes became wide with awe. "Whoa, a _deluxe tourline_?"

"We _have_ to get on this tourline, Ren!" Nora squealed with excitement as she crushed Ren in a bear-hug. "It sounds like fun, don'tcha think!? Plus we'll get to know _everything_ about the Cul-de-Sac!"

"Uh," Ren gasped for air. "Huh… ack!"

"I don't wanna hear no lip from you, Ren!" Nora happily crushed Ren in her death grip even more.

Blake stared at the cardboard bus. "Uh, nice bus, Eddy…"

"You really think so!?" Eddy hopped right front of Blake with a squeal. "Oh say it ain't so! You get the front seat, my treat!"

Disturbed by Eddy's leering, Blake tried to protest but found herself getting thrown on top to the bus. There, she realized she was sitting on a dusty old armchair at the very front, near a steering wheel stuck to the cardboard floor itself. Luckily there were cardboard rails on top, but still.

There were other yells from below, and Blake saw everyone getting thrown up onto the cardboard bus's roof: Ruby, who landed right next to her, the blonde boy, who now sat across from her and Ruby, and those two eccentric kids, who were now seated behind everyone else. Eddy had hopped onto the driver's seat last.

"Now," Eddy turned to the passengers, putting a cash register right in front of him with a smirk. "Shall we go over the expenses first before we begin our tour?"

Out of everyone in this tourline, only Ruby appeared to be gloomy, for even Blake had appeared to express an interest here.

Glancing around, Eddy began accounting the expenses. "That'll be 25 cents for the tour, 25 cents for the bus," He looked up with an even bigger grin. "The initial fee is 50 cents per customer!"

"50 cents?" Jaune scratched his head. "That's not bad at all."

"You brought the money, _right Ren_?"

"Uh, sure…?"

Blake checked her wallet, only for Ruby to gasp. "Even _you_ are considering this?!"

"Well," The mysterious girl put away her wallet with a blush. "I do want to know where everything is…"

"Oh _please_."

The retort came not from Ruby, but from a newcomer who looking up at the bus from the ground. Eddy leaned over and saw the illustrious Weiss Schnee _herself_ glaring at him. Money signs practically popped in his eyes. He could milk that Schnee girl dry and be _literally_ swimming in _bags of cash_ like Scrooge McDuck!

"Weiss Schnee, was it?" Eddy grinned at her. "Care to join our tourline? It'll be nothing for someone of your wealth!"

She scoffed. "I know you're gonna charge me extra for this sad excuse of a tourline. Everyone knows the breadth of the wealth my family had accumulated thanks to the Schnee Candy Company, after all."

Eddy's grin became a stare. Sad excuse of a tourline? Who does she think she is?! Still, he restrained himself from yelling and waved to her. "I promise ya', it'll be a tourline you'll _never forget_ , Weiss Schnee!"

"Just call me _Weiss_ ," The heiress scowled, but it relaxed into frown. "But you're right, I got nothing lose, so I might as well try out your tourline and see if it's worth the 50 cents you charge these kids with."

Ruby glared at Weiss as she came up on top and took her seat next to Jaune. Who does she think she is, looking down on hard-working, middle-class folk like herself?! Jaune tried to make another cheesy one-liner for Weiss, but one glare was all it took for him to sit still in fear and shut up.

"Unbelievable!" Ruby whispered to Blake. "Can you believe the nerve of her, Blake?"

Silence. When Ruby turned to Double-D's stepsister, all she saw was a quiet, but _terrifying_ glare in her eyes―pointed straight right at the haughty heiress. Ruby swallowed and sat back in her seat properly; Blake must've definitely disliked Weiss for some reason.

Eddy hopped in front of the steering wheel and turned to everyone. "Now, shall we get this show on the road?" He turned to the front and peered down. "Hey Monobrow, get movin'!"

On the ground, Ed, who was hooked up to the front of the cardboard bus like a horse drawing a cart, stood up and saluted Eddy. "I get to be a cow, Eddy! Moo moo moo!"

He sped off and already began pulling strongly on the bus. At once, the bus picked up speed with Ed, and Eddy cried out, happily steering the wheel―which allowed him to control Ed's movements with ease―while Weiss, Blake, and Ren held on for dear life; Ruby and Nora, on the other hand, held their hands up high, cheering in excitement. Blake was the most terrified one out of everyone―eyes shifting, shallow gasping, fingers clenching―for she never experienced such an adrenaline rush in her life―not since before she came to Peach Creek.

Double-D, where the heck are you!?

* * *

"Oh," Double-D's eyes were wide and sparkling. "So you have an appreciation for _Maxwell's equations_?!"

Pyrrha chuckled, though it was tinged with anxiety. "Uh, I do. They do form a foundation for a large part of classical physics, after all…"

Thank goodness Double-D was able to pull her out of that crowd of kids back there at Peach Creek; otherwise, she wouldn't know what could've happened. She and Double-D had been talking at the town park for a couple minutes now, sitting on a green bench next to the street on this fine Autumn afternoon. For a brief moment Pyrrha watched the dark, orange leaves being carried by the wind's lofty wings as Double-D gushed over her apparent appreciation for an admittedly important piece of mathematics.

True, Pyrrha _had_ seen Maxwell's equations before, but she still had trouble making heads and tails of it. She was studious, diligent and a very promising athlete―in fact, she dreamt of participating in the Olympics for the US―but a legitimate genius, borne from the fruits of American education? If people knew she's just really, really motivated, Pyrrha was sure half of her scholarships she had earned would be dropped and half of the organizations she was in, many of them being of true academic caliber, would cut their ties with her. And she would surely disappoint her parents–

"I've heard _countless_ great things about you, Ms. Nikos," Double-D's eyes might as well have sparkling hearts in them. "But to think a lowly mortal such as _I_ would chance a meeting of a lifetime with who might as well be _a demi-goddess worthy of a seat in Mt. Olympus_!"

Pyrrha continuing chuckling, anxiety infecting her feigned levity more and more. "Oh Double-D, I may be studious, but I don't think of myself as _the_ best in the nation!"

"Being modest now, are we?" Double-D chuckled, oblivious to Pyrrha's plight. "But I have to admit, you _are_ the best this country has to offer! Your academic record, not to mention the credentials in which you carry, thanks to your efforts in scholarship and charity work, is almost worthy of a _Nobel prize_!"

The happiness radiating from Double-D only made Pyrrha's heart twist even more with regret. She despised having to break this poor young man's fantastical perception of her―a Greek demi-goddess who was capable of being granted a proverbial seat in Mt. Olympus―but she didn't want Double-D to face more heartbreak when he finds out she's no genius. Besides, Pyrrha would rather have Double-D crush on her for _who she is_ rather than _who he perceives her as_. If that had been the case, she wouldn't mind being his girlfriend―plus, she thought he was the true genius here. If anything, Double-D was the one who deserved her seat in Mt. Olympus.

Sighing, Pyrrha turned to the boy crushing on her. "Double-D, um, there's something I want to tell you."

The hearts in his eyes only sparkled even more. Pyrrha's heart threatened to snap in half.

A speeding cardboard bus suddenly stopped right in front of the pair. Double-D and Pyrrha first spotted Ed, who was hooked up to the bus like a horse, then they spotted the heads of Eddy, Jaune, Ren, Nora, Weiss, Ruby and Blake peering over the railing.

"Ah, the lovely Peach Creek Park," Eddy said loudly on a microphone, gesturing to the park. "Watch as the autumn leaves carelessly blow in the wind, and as couples spend their time together, staring into each other's eyes to profess their love. Just like those two down there!"

"Pyrrha?!" Weiss's eyes became wide. "What are _you_ doing there? And is that dorky, no-name loser your _boyfriend_?"

The athlete ignored the boyfriend remark, too surprised by Weiss's appearance. "Why are _you_ riding on a cardboard bus driven by a boy pretending it to be an actual tourline…?"

Meanwhile, Nora's eyes seemed to have wandered off. "Ah, the autumn leaves, blowing in the wind as Ren and I stare into each other's eyes…"

"We're intruding on a couple's privacy, though." Ren could only witness the surprise reunion between Pyrrha and Weiss.

It was short-lived when a flustered Double-D saw both Blake and Eddy on the same bus; it didn't took a genius for the gears to click. " _Eddy_! You _double-crossing_ , _money-grubbing_ , _no-good,_ _depraved excuse of a friend_! You better not had charged Blake with anything amounting even to _the tiniest decimal of a penny_!"

"Whoops, looks like we better leave these lovebirds to their _business_!" Eddy turned and peered to the front. "Yo Ed, let's beat it!"

"Okey-dokey Karaoke!"

The passengers yelped once more as the cardboard bus broke off and sped down the street, leaving Pyrrha and Double-D in the dust.

"T-That," Double-D growled, shaking with anger, "T-That no good, little," He stomped on the ground. " _That rapscallion_!"

Pyrrha backed away a bit, slightly shivering with fright. Though Double-D looked harmless, it seems that pushing the right buttons will send him into fury mode. Good Lord, he's scary when he's angry…

"Uh, Double-D?"

He spun to Pyrrha, only for his demeanor to soften a bit. "I-I apologize, i-it's just that my _friend_ ," Double-D scowled at the poisonous word, "has made off with my sister along with the rest of the transfer students! I have no doubts he will milk _all of them_ dry of their hard-earned allowances in order to get his grubby hands on those oversized, sugary, confectionary treats! I have to _stop_ him!"

"Wait, you're never gonna catch up to that bus on your own!"

"Oh I may be mediocre in gym class," Double-D rolled up his sleeves, "but when one is fueled by the passion of wrath, one mustn't dare stand in that passionate one's way!"

Double-D broke off into a sprint, leaving Pyrrha in the dust.

Pyrrha went after him. "Double-D, wait, hold on!"

* * *

Having seen her brother being left in the dust along with that famous Pyrrha girl, Blake was already having enough of excitement for one day. Or for an entire month. The wind slapped her face and messed up her hair, which threatened to debow her hairbow altogether had not she clutched it in place with a free hand; her other hand was gripping on the arm of her seat.

Eddy turned to everyone as he drove. "Is this thrilling or what?!"

"Watch the road, you dolt!" Weiss growled.

"Don't worry, Snow White," Eddy waved her off. "This bus is powered by the state-of-the-art, 100 bazillion horsepower, V8 Motor-Ed Engine! It practically drives the bus itself!"

"Vroom vroom!" Ed laughed from below.

Blake peered out of her seat and glared at the scammer. "Eddy! C-Can I get off this bus, now?"

"What," Eddy threw his hands out, "and miss out on the awesome car chase scene?! You paid to get on this tourline, y'know!" However, he ended up shrugged. "Oh well, your loss!"

The bus didn't seemed to slow down.

"Uh, Eddy, the bus isn't stopping…"

"We're in a car chase scene, alright!? You can't skimp out on this, this is how we run things here, kid! Besides, you _and_ everyone else are part of the show now―which is being written as a fan fiction at the moment―but if you want out you're gonna have to get off yourself, goth girl!"

Oh the nerve of that Eddy…!

Blake turned to Ruby, expecting her to be still gloomy and in complete agreement with what she was about to say―only―to her surprise―to see her cheering as her arms dangle like noodles amidst the roaring winds.

"Woohoo!" Ruby laughed, as if she were without a care in the world now. "I thought I would hate this tourline, but this is _fun_!""

Come on, first she hated this tourline, now she was having _fun_!? Unbelievable! Blake shot another glare at Eddy.

"Ah," Eddy adjusted the rearview mirror so it showed his reflection. "This is the life! I'm _so_ gonna be swimming in jawbreakers!"

"Did you say you were going to be swimming in _jawbreakers_?" Weiss said, raising an eyebrow.

Before Eddy could correct his mistake, he noticed the familiar sock-head rising up from the sidewalk. He gasped and turned around to see Double-D running after the bus; following behind him was that Pino girl or whatever her name was.

"Ed, run faster!"

"Got it, Boss!" Like a motorcycle on overdrive, Ed's legs practically spun as the bus reached what would be considered highway speed. "Running faster, running faster, running faster…!"

Eddy turned to the now disappearing duo and sneered. "Hah! See ya' later, Sock-Head and Pyramid-Head!"

Double-D had ran like he never ran in his entire life, but despite his best efforts he was already starting to slow down. "I can do it," He gasped, "I can do it, I can do it," He legs felt like they were gonna fall off, "I-I can do it," He was already slowing down to a jog, "I-I-I-I can't do it!" Double-D collapsed on the sidewalk, face-first.

"Double-D!" Pyrrha came over and helped him up to his feet. "Are you alright?"

He groaned. "Oh Pyrrha, it seems that the passions of wrath wasn't enough to keep this thin, underweight, sorry excuse of a body running long enough to catch up to Eddy. O woe is me, Eddy has won this fight…"

"Are you just gonna _give up_?" Pyrrha stared at him. He can't give up, not now!

"What else am I able to do? I've already exhausted my body and I can't force it anymore lest I break."

Pyrrha pursed her lips. That bus was fast, very fast, and for someone like Double-D she knew he was never going to catch up to it. Maybe if he had _her_ help…

A moment of thought, then she threw Double-D on her shoulders and fell into a sprinting pose. "Hold on tight, this'll be _fast_."

"P-Pyrrha?"

"I can't let someone down when they're calling for help; I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ignore those who are in need!"

Double-D felt his heart melting, losing himself in his own world again. "A sense of justice _and_ morals, as well?!"

Ignoring Double-D's gushing, Pyrrha broke off into a powerful sprint and she dashed down the sidewalk. The wind slapped her face, but it remained firm, and already she began feeling the adrenaline rush she had so longed for that came only in exercise. This was it; _this_ was her element. She could finally help someone in need and be rewarded only modestly; _this_ was how Pyrrha wished things were for her: a simple life of saving those in need with only modest thanks in return.

Soon, Pyrrha and Double-D were already nearing the back of the bus.

"Hey," Weiss called out to Eddy. "I thought this was a tourline, not some sadder excuse for a rollercoaster ride."

"Hey _lady_!" Eddy glared at Weiss. " _I'm_ the tour guide here, I get to go wherever I want, and I say we're going–"

"Holy toledo!" Nora cried out as she pointed at the back of the bus. "Those guys are coming back!"

Eddy hopped on top of Nora, pushing her head down with a hand, and saw Pyrrha sprinting towards them, carrying Double-D on her shoulders, without even breaking a sweat.

"Eddy!" Double-D shot a glare at him. "You get back here _right this instant_!"

His face scrunched with fear, Eddy ran back to the driver's seat. "Ed, kick it up to overdrive, prompto!"

"I'll be as fast as a speeding hedgehog, Eddy!" Ed's legs practically became wheels as the bus now began speeding up to a 100 miles.

The distance between the pair and the bus was starting to become greater. Double-D growled, not willing to be beaten by Eddy when they came so far.  
"We're losing them, Pyrrha! We have to do _something_!"

At this rate, even Pyrrha knew she will start losing steam soon. So in a last ditch attempt, she held Double-D's hips tightly, much to his surprise and embarrassment, and she threw him as hard as he could. Double-D yelled as he soared through the air in an arc, Pyrrha slowing down and watching him fly.

"Good luck, Double-D! And I'm sorry!"

Eddy saw Pyrrha sinking into the sidewalk and he chuckled maniacally. "Man, I'm getting good at this!"

All of the sudden he heard an ever-growing yell from Double-D. When he turned to look where he was, Double-D slammed right onto him and shook the entire bus. All the passengers peered from their seats and watched as Double-D leaped right up onto his feet and gripped Eddy's shoulders.

"Ooh man," Nora giggled with excitement as she ate popcorn. "This is the confrontation scene where the hero and villain finally fight, Ren!"

Ren could only stare at either Nora or the feuding Eds. "Uh huh…"

"What has this tourline become, a merry-go-round for toddlers?!" Weiss rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I didn't pay 50 cents for this!"

" _Beat his butt_ , _Double-D_!" Ruby cried out, wearing Double-D's hat and waving a giant foam hand that had 'Go Double-D!' printed on its side. " _Send Eddy packing_!"

Blake could only watch the entire scene unfolding. What kind of neighborhood did she just ended up moving in?

As for the two Eds, Double-D planted his feet on Eddy's chest while the latter was struggling to pull Double-D's hands away from his shoulders. The friends grunted and struggled, locked in a furious stalemate.

"These ridiculous, greed-fueled shenanigans has gone on far enough, _Eddy_!" Double-D poked Eddy's chest. "I demand that you stop this bus _at once_!"

"No way, Jose!" Eddy growled. " _I'm_ the tour guide here, and I get to say _when_ we stop this bus!"

"Release my sister from this torment, Eddy!"

"Says who!?"

"Greedy, obstinate, rapacious _cheapskate_!"

"You little son of a–!"

"Foul-mouthed, simple-minded _barbarian_!"

"How 'bout I put my foot right up your–!?"

"Carnivorous, gluttonous, lecherous _kidnapper_!"

"Alright, that's _it_!" Eddy punched Double-D right in the kisser and sent him tumbling down the walkway. He stomped towards the intelligent Ed, rolling his sleeves. "You wanna a piece of me, _Double-D_!? Oh I'll give _you_ your piece!"

Double-D cowered in fear. "I-I give, I give! Please spare this poor soul!"

Eddy stopped, staring at his friend in utter shock. "That _it_?" He facepalmed and shot up in frustration. " _Come on_ , we were just getting to the good part!"

"Yeah!" Nora cried out from afar. "Beat each other's butt already! _Boo_! I want my money back!"

"Nora, don't encourage them."

"Me too." Weiss glared at Eddy. "This isn't a tourline; I can't even call it a scam _at all_! This is _so_ pathetic, it makes me want to hurl!"

Eddy steamed like a hot teapot. "Why you _little_ …!"

"Hey Ice Princess!" Ruby of all people was the one who shouted. "What's your problem!? This tourline's _fun_! Why don't you pick on someone your own size!? Or do you need something _expensive and exquisite_ ," Ruby gagged, "for your _cultured_ tastes?!"

Eddy turned his fury to Ruby. "Who you callin' short, _shortcake_!?"

"Excuse me?!" Weiss stared at Ruby in shock. "For your information Miss, I'm not criticizing the quality of this tourline; it's a _scam_ for Pete's sake! I'm criticizing how _poorly_ designed _and_ executed this scam was! And I don't need something _expensive and exquisite_ to satisfy someone of my own tastes, _thank you very much_!"  
Before Ruby could retort, _Blake_ of all people shot up and glared down on the Schnee. " _Shut up_! I had enough of hearing garbage spilling out of your mouth, Schnee! All what your family does is profit off of other's people's backs and treat them like they're machines! You're _unethical_!"

Everyone―even Double-D―stared at Blake's outburst. Double-D himself was utterly stumped by his stepsister. "B-Blake?

"U-Uh, um, I-I," Blake's face became red as a tomato and she immediately sat back down, facing the other way in hopes of disappearing from everyone's minds. "S-S-Sorry," she said in an inaudible whisper.

Unfortunately, the Ice Princess became a Fire Princess.

Weiss got up and shoved Eddy out of the way, the scammer crashing into Double-D, as she stomped towards Blake. Shooting a glare at Ruby, at which she smiled anxiously and moved away from her, Weiss turned Blake's shoulder around and unleashed a _horrific_ glare upon the poor girl.

"I want you to _say that again_ about my family." Weiss's eye twitched. "Come on, say _it_. I _dare_ you. I _double-dare_ you. I _triple-dog_ dare you," Weiss raised a fist, "you _insolent little_ –!"

Blake pounced on Weiss into the walkway and began beating her up.

"Finally, a fight!" Nora cheered and popped more popcorn, coated in butter and maple syrup, into her mouth.

Eddy peeled himself off from Double-D and stomped towards the dust cloud that was Blake's attack on Weiss. "Hey hey hey, break it up you two, I'm running a tourline here!" He picked up and separated a dirty, struggling Blake and a beaten-up, mortified Weiss. "Why don't you take your stupid fight somewhere else!?"

Meanwhile, Jaune was hurling into his vomit bag, his face very much green. "Why did I took this tourline!? Of _course_ I would get motion-sick! I'm such an idiot!" Jaune's eyes went wide and he hurled again in his vomit bag.

"Hey," Eddy turned to Jaune. "You're gonna have to pay extra for the vomiting and cleanup expenses, blondie!"

Double-D got up from his spot, rubbing his head and adjusting his hat. "Curse this frail and weak body!" When he saw Eddy's hands on Blake and Weiss, he steamed and stomped towards him. "Unhand my dear sister, _knave_!"

"Oh come on, _now_ you wanna go again!?" Eddy threw Blake and Weiss onto Ruby and rolled up his sleeves. "You better put up a good fight, this time!"

Just as Double-D and Eddy were about to pounce on each other―with Nora leaning in excitement, Ruby zipping out of the pile and watching―everyone heard Ed screaming bloody murder. Even Jaune, Blake and Weiss looked at the source of the scream.

" _K-K-Kankers_!"

To most of the transfers, they obviously were oblivious to the meaning of the term.

To the Eds―it was as if the minions of Hades were descending upon them once again.

Double-D and Eddy ran up to the front of the bus and stuck their heads up, the wind slapping hair and hat respectively, and sure enough―there they were.

The Kanker sisters were crossing the street when they spotted the speeding bus fast approaching them. When they saw the familiar faces of their beloved, they all giggled and cackled evilly, as if a thousand scenarios involving the Eds ran through their minds.

"Look guys," May pointed at the cardboard bus, "it's our boyfriends!"

Marie squinted her eyes with a devilish glee. "Ooh, looks like our boyfriends have been playing with the transfer students!"

"The tall Asian kid is _so_ cute!" May giggled. "He's so cute I wonder if he's actually a 'she,' like reverse Mulan!"

"Tell me about it." Marie grinned. "I like the blondie over there; I'm glad this stinking Cul-de-Sac finally got a blond boy, I've been itchin' for one for too long now!"

Lee stepped up, an evil grin widening on her face. "No boyfriend of mine ain't hanging around with any of them hussy transfers! Let's welcome the newcomers the _Kanker_ way!"

The other Kankers cackled maniacally.

Double-D and Eddy had a look of panic on their faces _no one_ among the transfer student group had seen before. Ruby was confused at their plight. Blake was worrying for Double-D's welfare. Weiss was wondering why the Eds were terrified of three no-name girls. Jaune lightened up at the prospect of getting a girlfriend. Nora had suddenly clung to Ren as if he was going to get whisked away by three hot girls―even if they were the Kankers. Ren, well, he stopped giving a flip about this whole situation he and Nora had found themselves in now.

"Ed, Lumpy!" Eddy peered over the railing. "Do something! Turn around!"

Double-D became even more distressed. "The force of direction is _too great_ , Eddy! At this velocity, we will only be able make at best minor adjustments to our trajectory!"

"What does that mean!?"

The intelligent Ed grabbed Eddy's shoulders and shook him. "It means _we can't avoid the Kanker sisters_!"

Eddy screamed in terror.

"Oh," Jaune appeared between the two Eds as he cupped his eyes out for the three succubi. "Is that who they're called?"

Blake, smoothing her hair back into its proper place, approached her stepbrother with worry. "Double-D, are you going to be alright?"

"Run them over!" Nora angrily shouted out from a few seats over. "Ram this bus into them and make sure it crushes _every single bone in their bodies_!"

"Nora, aren't you getting a little bit _melodramatic_?"

Eddy peered over the railing once again. "Slow down, Ed!"

"I'll be slower than a snail after Happy Hour, Eddy!" Ed immediately complied, he too not wanting to meet the Kanker sisters, and he planted his feet on the ground.

Double-D's eyes became wider than dinner plates. " _No Ed_! If we tried to decelerate too quickly, then the resulting force will _flip this bus over_!"

Unfortunately, asphalt was already flying out of the long fracture driven by Ed's feet by the time Double-D had warned him. Sure enough, the bus _was_ slowing down at first―much to Eddy's relief―and Nora's disappointment―but then the bus suddenly began twisting and turning. The wheels made sparks on the street as the cardboard bus swerve out of control, going straight off from the road. Everyone cried out in terror, desperately holding onto the railings as if Death was looming upon them―awaiting to take any of them.

"I don't wanna die!" Ruby cried out, tears flying out of her eyes.

Weiss struggled to hold on on her seat; Blake, holding on Double-D's ankles, the latter holding onto the railing, reached out for the heiress and she grabbed onto her hands.

Eddy held onto the railing as well, while Jaune restrained himself on the railings and remained in his seat. However, he was vomiting more of his lunch all over the street.

"Ren," Nora held onto her friend for dear life, and Ren held onto his seat as if he was moments from being ripped out of the bus. "If we don't make it, I just wanna say that I love–"

The bus crashed right into the tree, next to the crossing where the Kankers were situated. As for the Kankers, they giggled and made their way towards the wreckage.

The crash site was something straight out of a disaster movie. Tracks from both the wheels and Ed's feet had been dugged into the skin of both the street and the earth. Dirt and asphalt were strewn about the tracks like shattered glass. As for the bus itself, the front of the cardboard had collapsed in on itself from smashing right into the now splintered tree. Smoke hissed from what had been the front, and armchairs, railings and other cardboard debris were also strewn about, as if they were innards ripped from a carcass.

Ruby was the first one to rise, shaking off debris and dirt from her dress as she rubbed her head. "Wow, the light's so bright. Is this heaven...?"

" _Ugh_ …"

Ruby heard groaning from inside the wreckage. Regaining her senses, she quickly made her way inside the bus and saw a battered, beaten-up Weiss.

"Oh my gosh, Weiss!" She then quickly pulled her out and laid her on the grass, fanning her head with her hand. "Are you alright?! Where does it hurt?! Do I need to get you a glass of warm milk?! Answer me!"

Weiss was in a strange daze, chuckling to herself as if all things were amusing to her now. "Winter, are you writing those trashy romance novels about sparkling vampires, werewolves and yourself in a room again…?"

"Oh no, if she's talking about _Half-Light_ , then she _really_ needs help!" Ruby grimaced and was on the verge of tears.

Glancing around, Ruby saw Ed sliding out from the crack between the front of the bus and tree like paper and fell down to the ground. He got back up and struggled to maintain his balance, chuckling like Weiss.

"Who's up for a game of cribbage?"

Ruby zipped to Ed. "Oh no, _not you too_!"

"Ed's fine, _shortcake_."

Ruby glared at Eddy as he got out of the wreckage, sweeping dirt off of his hula shirt. "Lumpy's always like this, just give him a minute and he'll come back around."

"How can you be so calm when someone could've been _killed_ in this accident?!"

"Kid, you of _all people_ obviously shouldn't be talking."

And soon enough, the others began emerging from the wreckage. Double-D pulled himself out of the wall of the cardboard bus and began heading to where Eddy, Ruby and Weiss were. Blake also pulled out an armchair that had gotten stuck around her neck and threw it away before joining up with the others. Nora bounced up from a pile of debris, pieces of cardboard falling off, but stared off into the distance as if all sound had just vanished―when she realized Ren had somehow gotten stuck himself in her ears; she pulled him out and set him standing straight on his feet, but he too struggled to maintain his balance.

"I-I think I had enough excitement to last me a lifetime…"

Nora just grinned and hugged Ren. "Well, at least we're not dead!"

As for Jaune?

"Uh, guys? Help! I-I'm stuck up in this stupid tree!"

Sure enough, the group looked up to see the poor, beaten-up blondie hanging off from a high tree branch by his bunny-printed underwear.

Weiss scoffed. "Seriously, _bunnies_?"

"Don't look, don't look, don't look," Ruby had covered her eyes.

Blake could only stare with a slight blush.

"Oh man, he's wearing _that_?" Nora couldn't help but chuckle at Jaune's choice of underwear, and Ren could only feel sweat dripping down his forehead.

Double-D rushed up to the tree. "D-Don't move, we'll call for help!"

"The only help you all are gettin' will be from us!"

The Eds froze, a perpetual, familiar state of fear now pumping through their veins once more. For the transfers, regardless of their previous impressions of them, all of them now had a sense of dread befalling them all. The Kanker Sisters stood at the scene of the crash, eager for another round of smoochin' with their boytoys.

Eddy, Double-D and Ed backed up against the wall of the cardboard bus as the Kankers approached them, dangerous grins on their faces.

"You boys have been having fun with the transfer students?" Marie held her heart and feigned pain. "Without _us_?"

Lee chuckled. "I hope we're not too late to the party now, are we?"

"That Asian boy over there is _cute_!" May's eye sparkled with hearts as she leered at Ren. "I don't mind bringing him along as a third wheel between me and Ed!"

"Hey!" Nora stepped in front of a disturbed Ren and spread her arms out. "Hands off the merchandise, bub! Ren's taken already!"

"Oh, so this chick's one of _them_ girls, eh?" Lee cracked her knuckles. "Why don't we teach her a lesson and give her a good ole' punishin'?"

Marie grinned evilly. "Shall I bring out the rope for our little rebel here?"

"Sure thing, Marie. And make sure to tie her up _extra nice_!"

The Kankers' shadow loomed malevolently over a shivering Nora and Ren. Their hands snatched Nora's collar and pulled her right into their grasps; Nora yelped while Ren cried out for her. Nora tried to resist the Kankers, but the sisters kicked and beat up Nora with their number and strength and tied her up in a hog-tie; a handkerchief was stuffed in her mouth and duct-taped over for good measure.

Nobody, not even Jaune, could believe what had just happened.

The Eds, Ren, Ruby, Weiss and Blake found themselves all backed up against the cardboard wall of the wrecked bus. Lee, Marie and Kanker surrounded them all, their arms and legs spread out and their fingers tingling with sadistic delight.

"Hey look!" May snatched Ruby from her spot and showed her to the others. "I found Little Red Riding Hood!"

Marie pulled out a red dress-skirt with an apron, a red cape and leather boots and stuffed it onto Ruby from head-to-toe. "What's Little Red doing all the way here from Grandma's house?"

Flushing terribly, Ruby pulled down her ridiculously-short skirt as best she could. "D-Don't look! I-I hate skirts!"

"Obviously she ran into Three Big Bad Wolves!" Lee cackled and pulled out a picnic basket; she let Marie stuff a terrified Ruby right inside.

The lead Kanker then threw the basket right next to the tied up Nora. Everyone began screaming and yelling in terror.

Weiss was the most shaken out of everyone, apart from the Eds. Lee noticed her fear and leered at over, the gaze not going unnoticed by the other Kankers.

"Check it out, Snow White's frozen as a snowman."

"I like her dress!" Marie chuckled, pulling out a ragged-looking, drab-grey dress of her own. "Think she would look good as Cinderella, girls?"

May pulled on Weiss's feet, dragging her to between the Kankers, and ripped off her dress shoes―holding an ugly, rusted, steel nail filer right next to Weiss's pedicured, icy-blue painted toes. "We should get rid of her pedicures first!"

"And the manicures, too!" Marie held out Weiss's manicured fingers, pulling out her own ugly nail filer. "Some ketchup and mustard would also go right with her hairstyle!"

Weiss glanced at the Kankers fearfully. "Hey, I-I-I just got both of my toenails and fingernails filed, painted and manicured! Y-You're gonna ruin three hour's worth of work!"

"Just for the nails?!" Lee sneered at the heiress. "Eh, you rich types don't need no fancy manicures! Just look at ours!"

The Kankers showed their chipped, ugly nails at Weiss―and the latter found herself gagging.

"Whoa," Jaune gazed at Weiss's feet. "Your toenails are the color of your eyes, Weiss!"

"Stop _looking_ at my feet!"

Jaune's cheeks became red. "I-It's not my fault they look nice and cute! Why don't _you_ stop looking at my undies–! Wait a minute," His blush disappeared as he rubbed his chin, an airy smile forming on his lips. "Maybe my undies could help me out here…"

"You're still thinking about _that_!? Unbelievable!"

The Kankers dropped Weiss on the ground and approached the tree, looking up at Jaune. The latter smiled at all of them with a slight, anxious wave, but the Kankers looked unamused.

"Boring!" Marie yawned. "He's cute, but he wants it."

May crossed her arms. "Men are so much more fun when they resist!"

"Snoresville! Sorry Blondie," Lee reached her hand out, snatched Jaune's collar and pulled him down to her level. "As much as you're handsome and all, you just ain't no fun. Y'see, us Kankers like men who're hard get and all, I'm sure ya' understand."

Jaune winced. "W-What?! Oh come on…!"

"Don't worry, we'll be knockin' on your door when you finally scared of us! 'Till then, see ya' later, cutiepie!"

Lee pulled on Jaune, letting his underwear stretch _far longer_ than initially expected, and then she let go. Through his underwear, Jaune was sent flying through the air and over yonder.

" _Tell my mom I love her…_!"

A crash followed, and the rest of the group continued screaming and shouting.

"Now then," Lee and her sister turned to the Eds, Ren and Blake. "Where _were_ we?"

"Goth-girl over there needs a new makeover, I think!" Marie especially giggled, pulling out her own hair dye and nail polish fit for Goths. "I have everything I need to make her look like me! She needs to look like a proper Goth-girl, after all!"

Lee slapped Marie's beauty supply onto the ground. "She don't need to be no Goth-girl like you, Marie!" Then she pulled out a beetle from the ground. "We should make her eat _bugs_!"

"Yeah," May then pulled out a silver platter with a lid and took it off, revealing a pile of live, squirming worms. "We should make her eat the main course!"

Blake stared at the worms and beetle and her stomach churning. "I-I think I-I'm gonna be _sick_ …"

"I won't let you lay even _one_ finger on my dear sister, Kankers!" Double-D suddenly stepped right in front of Blake and spread his arms out. "For _I'll_ partake in the consumption of poor, defenseless insects and limbless invertebrates in her place!"

Marie stared at Double-D. "Wait, that Goth-girl's your _sister_? I almost thought she was your girlfriend or somethin'!"

Eddy's eyes widened. "Double-D, what are you doing?!"

"I'm doing my duty as Blake's older brother, that's what!"

"So a sibling, huh?" Lee's grin became even wider as she brought _two_ beetles into Double-D and Blake's faces. "Mind if brother and sister _share_ their lunch, then?"

Both stepsiblings' eyes became wide open with shock and horror.

Eddy shivered, glancing at Double-D. "Sorry Sock-Head, but you and Blake are gonna have to take one for the team!"

"Oh how _selfless_ of you, Eddy!" Double-D scowled at the scammer. "You might as well join us for 'lunch,' then!"

"No way I'm eating any bugs, Sock-Head!" Eddy glanced at Ren. "Yo, transfer student," then picked him up and put him in his place. "Why don't you take one for Uncle Eddy, huh? I-I'll make it worth your while!"

Ren scowled at him and crossed his arms. " _Uh huh_ , and I'm sure you'll _also_ be willing to make a refund?"

"Tsk tsk Eddy," Ed wagged his finger. "Never have I seen such foul play even from a short cheapskate like you."

Eddy gritted his teeth and glared at Ed. "Say that _again_ , I dare you!"

"Enough talk!" Lee, Marie and May all pulled out silver platters of worms, centipedes and beetles. " _Everyone's_ gettin' the Kanker Course Meal!"

"Complete with bugs!" Marie twirled around.

May put crimson lipstick on her lips. "And smooches!" She smooched at Ed, who leaped on Double-D and hugged him tight.

Blake held onto Double-D while he held onto her. Eddy and Ren also held onto each other for dear life, the shadows of the devious, maniacal Kanker sisters descending upon them―blocking out their ray of hope.

They all screamed, but their cries were drowned out by the Kankers' sadistic laughter.

" _Stop right there_."

Time appeared to have stopped right in its tracks, for the Kankers, Eds and remaining transfer students all turned around to a massive, tall shadow looming over all of them. Its arms were crossed, and everyone's eyes widened, even the Kankers'.

Ruby popped out of her basket with glee in her face. " _Uncle Qrow_! You came to rescue us!"

Qrow smirked at Ruby. "'Course I came, what kinda guidance counselor would I be if I didn't?"

"Darn," Lee glared at the buzzed guidance counselor. "Looks like the fuzz came in _just_ when we was getting to the good part!"

"Now Kankers, if you all know what's good for you, you better start throwing those bugs away _and_ untying both _my_ niece and _that_ girl. _Got it_?"

Within less than five seconds, the Kankers released Nora from her bondage and released Ruby from the picnic basket. They all stepped a few feet away from their captives, for good measure.

Qrow grinned haughtily. "Good. That's an improvement over _last time_. Now, if you three Kankers will come with me, that'll be great; makes my job easier. Oz and I are gonna have _another_ long talk with you three troublemakers."

"You was definitely lucky this time!" Lee shook her fist at the group as she and her sisters followed behind Qrow. "But next time, we'll definitely go straight for the smoochin'! Look forward to it, boyfriends!"

The Kankers cackled at the Eds, but they immediately shut up after Qrow glared at them.

"Oh yeah," Qrow turned to the others. "Ms. Goodwitch'll be coming in shortly to take care of you all. She should be here in a minute or two. See you all tomorrow."

And with that, Qrow left with the Kankers.

* * *

As cleanup crews and construction workers littered all over the crash site, clearing away debris and filling up potholes and tracks, Ms. Goodwitch had gathered the Eds and transfer students at her sports car that was parked nearby.

"I called all your parents and let them know you'll be coming home after this." Ms. Goodwitch closed her cellphone and sighed in relief. "Thank goodness you all aren't injured too badly."

"Tell me about it." Jaune chuckled as he applied ice on his head. "Sorry about landing my butt on your face from earlier, Pyrrha. Really, I am. Man, those Kankers are pretty strong, aren't they?"

For some reason, Pyrrha was blushing immensely as she smirked. "Oh, I didn't minded, _Jaune_."

"Well, in that case, I'm glad we got that settled!"

While Pyrrha feigned a smirk and frowned on the inside, Ren was clearing dirt from Nora's hoodie while Blake was fixing her hairbow and Double-D fixing his hat. Eddy was off in his own world staring at the cash snuggled safely in a glass jar while Ed rolled around on the grass, laughing and pretending to be a cow. Ruby, wearing her normal clothes now, simply leaned on the sports car along with Weiss, who was wearing her shoes again.

"Man I'm _rich_!" Eddy chuckled to himself before shooting up. "Jawbreakers, here I–!"

"I'll be taking that." Ms. Goodwitch took the jar from Eddy's hands and distributed the quarters back to their rightful owners. "I believe these belong to you?"

Most of the transfers were delighted at gaining their money back, much to Eddy's annoyance. However, knowing he couldn't yell at a guidance counselor, he kept his mouth shut and ended up grumbling curses.

"And I was so close, too…"

Nora and Ren thanked Ms. Goodwitch for the refund before went their merry way, and Jaune also thanked the guidance counselor as he returned home. Pyrrha had left when she saw that everyone was fine, leaving only the Eds, Ruby, Weiss and Blake as the remaining kids.

Eddy seemed the most downtrodden out of all of them. "If only things go right just for once, then maybe I'll finally get a stinkin' jawbreaker for all this trouble! Maybe then Kev and the others won't tell everyone we're just broke, desperate, sore losers!"

"I'm afraid we've been reduced to humiliating each other and everyone we come across, Eddy," Double-D sighed. "I think we've certainly made terrible impressions on the transfer students…"

"Nope. I actually thought you guys were cool!"

Double-D, Eddy and Ed all stared at Ruby.

"At first, when I was on that tourline, I thought it was gonna be boring and and a snore. But then there was conflict, and the awesome chase scene, and even at the end where we got held up by those dastardly Kankers!" Ruby made sound effects and imitated fight scenes, as if she just watched an action movie blockbuster, before bringing her fists up with a squeal. "That was _awesome_! Y'know, I wouldn't being friends with all of you if everyday's like this! Besides, I think the other transfer students liked the scam!"

Even Blake stepped up with a smirk towards Double-D. "I don't mind hanging out with your friends too, Double-D. I have you to rely on. And, I'll admit, I," Blake pursed her lips as she held her neck. "I need to get out of my shell a bit more."

"Ooh, a fellow introvert like me?" Ruby zipped up to Blake and stuck her hand out. "In that case, welcome to the 'Forever Alone' Club! I'm club president, of course!"

"S-Sure, Ruby," Blake shook Ruby's hand.

Weiss looked at the larger group and sighed. "I would say count me out, but I can't stand seeing shorty here being so _abysmal_ at running a business, much less an illegitimate one."

"What," Eddy glared at Weiss. "You finally got a thing for me or somethin' after all that?"

"Of course not!" Weiss scoffed, crossing her arms. "I just don't like seeing businesses flopping, that's all! You must understand, i-it's like an itch I need to scratch every now and then!"

Then Ed appeared right next to her. "I can scratch your feet for you if they're itchy, Miss!"

"Why is _everyone_ talking about my feet?!" Weiss scowled at Ed. "What," She pointed at her shoe. "You want me to stick my toes into your mouth or something!?"

Ed shook his head with a grin. "Nope! Ed loves chickens, Miss!"

Weiss stared at the oaf, but Eddy pushed Ed out of the way and wrapped an arm around the heiress. "So what you're saying is, Weiss Schnee of the Schnee Candy Company is willing to help me make my scams better? What's in it for _me_?"

"Obviously the knowledge of better business practices." Weiss crossed her arms. "I'm supposed to be inheriting the SCC in a couple years, after all. Plus, you don't have to do anything for me. And after I'm done teaching you, you can _strip-mine_ this town of its quarters and buy _all_ the jawbreakers you like."

Triple money-signs popped in Eddy's eyes. "Quarters!? _Jawbreakers_!?" He took and furiously shook Weiss's hand. "You got yourself a deal, Schnee!"

Weiss sighed. "Just call me _Weiss_ , 'partner.'"

"How predictable." Double-D shook his head.

However, Eddy excitedly gathered the Eds together. "You hear that, guys!? Schnee's gonna teach me everything she knows about scammin'! Once we learn everything from her," He slapped his hands together with a haughty grin. "We'll be swimming in cash _and_ jawbreakers in no time!"

"You do realize that this kind of teaching is going to take time, right Eddy?" Double-D crossed his arms. "And I'm sure, at the very least, it's going to take around a year before you start becoming familiar with Weiss's scamming techniques!"

"Hey, as long as we get cash in our pockets and jawbreakers in our mouths, I don't care what it takes!"

Double-D narrowed his eyes. "Remind me again why I'm still friends with you, Eddy?"

"Because," Eddy pulled the intelligent Ed right near his face, "you're hanging with the future coolest kid in town, Double-D! I'm tellin' ya', we're making history right here!"

Then Eddy pulled Ed, Ruby, Blake and Weiss together―all of them forming a big circle. "We're _all_ making history right on this very spot."

"So that means we're all gonna be friends from now on?" Ruby gasped with delight. "Count me in! I wanna help out in the scams!"

Although Blake glared at Weiss, she still nodded towards Eddy. "As long as I don't have to deal with Schnee too much, I'm in. And I kinda know a thing or two about scamming people…"

"I'm obviously in, but only because I can't resist a challenge." Weiss narrowed her eyes at Eddy.

Eddy grinned. "Then it's settled. From this point on, the Eds have expanded to include three new numbers into their ranks! Welcome Ruby, Blake and Weiss, you are now all officially Eds!"

"But our names don't fit your group's naming conventions." Weiss said.

"Who cares? Once an Ed, _always_ an Ed, Snow White."

"It's _Weiss_! Get it right, numbskull!"

"Hey, _I'm_ the one who calls people _numbskull_ , not you Ice Princess!"

"It's _Weiss_! _Weiss_! Do you speak English, shorty!?"

Just as Weiss and Eddy were about to get into a fight, Ed came in the nick of time and pulled the two into a crushing hug. "Ed is happy for our newest members of the Eds!" Then he pulled everyone else into the hug. "Party at my place! I'll bring out the chips and dip!"

"Party?" Despite being crushed, Ruby's eyes lit up. "I'm up for, ack, a-a party!"

"A party after what you all have been through?"

Everyone turned to Ms. Goodwitch, who was just standing there watching the spectacle. "In that case," She adjusted her glasses and smiled. "Eddward, Blake, I wouldn't mind if you two bring your friends along to our home."

"Y-You don't!?" Double-D looked at his mother, Blake also looking surprised. "B-But what about the house, the kitchen, the living room, the upstairs floor, m-my room–?!"

"Whoa, take it easy Eddward," Ms. Goodwitch lifted her hands up at Double-D. "Don't worry, I'll take care of the kitchen and living room for the day. Besides, I'm done with work for the day anyway. Your friends are certainly," Her smile became forced, "'eccentric,' to put it one way."

Double-D chuckled. "Well, I won't attempt to sugarcoat Eddy's character, Mother." He turned to his friends and stepsister. "Well fellows, shall we celebrate our welcoming party for our newest members of the Eds?"

"Sure am, buckaroo!" Ed laughed and sped off to Double-D's house.

Eddy too dashed away. "Race ya', Ed!"

"Hey!" Ruby cried out as she trailed behind Eddy and Ed. "I wanna join in!"

"Not to worry, Mother," Double-D smiled sheepishly at her. "It's not that far of a walk to home from here."

"I suppose you're right." She turned to Weiss and Blake. "Well, shall we be off?"

After getting in the sports car, Double-D's mother drove the three to the Goodwitch household―beating Ed and Eddy by a couple of minutes. Despite Eddy, Ed and Ruby being tired from their little race, everyone went inside and celebrated the inauguration of Ruby, Weiss and Blake into the infamous trio of Eds. Soda, chips and dip, candy and good food were served that day. No longer were the Eds an all-male trio; they were now a male-female band of smiling troublemakers each with their own reasons for being members of the group.

Perhaps this school year might be looking up to the Eds after all.

* * *

 **Finally, after three chapters the pilot episode is over! Ruby, Weiss and Blake are now official members of the Eds.**

 **Before we get to our announcement, I'll go over the reviews made between this update and the last one:**

 **dracohalo117:** **If you're referring to Double-D's crush on Pyrrha, then yeah, poor guy. I'm not a hardcore shipper, but I'm usually a supporter of canon pairings—so unfortunately for Double-D Arkos is gonna happen. (I still stand by my belief that _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ is not centered around pairings, however.) That being said, I have a surprise for our sock-wearing friend at the end of this first season, ;).**

 **Roth** **Prime: Well, I got a review from _the_ acclaimed _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ / _RWBY_ crossover writer! How do you do? (I'm not being patronizing, I'm genuinely surprised to see this review pop up on this story.)**

 **I'm glad to hear that. _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ is rather "counter-culture," to use the term loosely, to the prevailing literal crossover between the two shows in this archive. As I've stated previously in the first author's note, I thought that there was a missed opportunity to be had by being very literal with the crossover instead of going with the AU fusionverse direction. That, and I think doing a proper, literal _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ / _RWBY_ crossover was going to be very difficult considering their wholly dissonant subject matter.**

 **With all that said, I hope you continue enjoying _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ , Roth.**

 **-0-0-0-**

 **Now, for that announcement:**

 **While I still stand by my belief that _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ is largely focused on the slice-of-life humor that made _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ great and what fans had initially expected from _RWBY_ , I've decided to create a poll for the sole purpose of seeing which _non-canon_ pairings readers personally support. This won't affect the quality of the fic, neither my decision to make which non-canon pairing happen in said fic, I just want to see which pairings do you, the general reader, love.**

 **It's really just me wanting to see which non-canon pairing is shipped the most, so it's not really relevant to the purpose of this fic. With that said, shiptease will happen, and everyone's welcome to give it a shot.**

 **The poll is already up on my profile, and I will update it to reflect the possible pairings readers may have as _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ continues along its merry way.**

 **Until then, dear readers, fare thee well!**

 **-SdaTheArtist.**


	4. S1, EP2: The Shining Ed

**Okay, that update took a bit _too_ long than I would've liked. Apologies for the inconvenience, but that _does_ mean that I've been busy in my private life.**

 **In any case, dear readers, I hope you all enjoy the long-awaited second episode of _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ , :).**

* * *

Ruby cheered out as she bursted out of the doors of Peach Creek Junior High. Finally, school was over for the day! Man, having Language Arts class as the last period sucked, but at least she won't have to deal with it anymore.

Now, what should she do now that she was home free?

"Ed is free once more!" The loveable oaf bursted out of the doors too and ran down the stairs, but he stepped on his shoelace and tripped. He tumbled down the stairs and hit the concrete face-first just as Eddy came out of the doors.

Eddy looked down and bent down laughing.

Ruby cringed at the sight. "Ed! Are you alright?"

"Never been better, Ruby!" Ed peeled his face off, his face flat and red, leaving an imprint on the pavement. "That was fun, you should try it sometime."

"Yeah," Ruby forced a smile. "Sure. I'm just glad you're alright."

Glancing up at the stairs, Ruby saw Double-D, Weiss and Blake coming out of the school doors. The three of them were giving weird glances at the laughing Eddy.

Eddy wrapped an arm around Double-D, Blake and Weiss' necks. "You guys should've seen the way Ed's face was stuck on the pavement!"

"Well," Double-D pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh before descending the stairs. "I suppose that little minds always find great entertainment from little things." He approached Ed and cleared the dirt from his face, but not before taking a quick glance at his shoes. "Ed, what have I told you before about keeping your shoelaces tied? You wouldn't be tripping as much if you remember to tie your shoes."

"My shoes like their hair to flow in the wind, Double-D!"

"Uh, yes, well, I-I suppose I can understand that…"

Then Eddy gathered everyone around him. "Never mind that! I just thought up of a scam we can do to make us some quick cash!"

"This better not be a repeat of last time, Eddy." Weiss' arms were crossed. "And I hope you've certainly learned your lesson _this time_ ; I'm still trying to get some of the gum out of my hair from that last scam!"

"Relax, Weiss! We're just gonna offer homework services to the pigeons. We do their homework for them and they can goof off all day long; it's the _perfect_ scam!"

Weiss released a sigh. "It seems sound for the time being. Alright, demonstrate your current knowledge base by this scam then."

"You got it, Ice Princess!" Eddy ran off before he could get reprimanded by Weiss again for the nickname. "Hurry up, I know a place where we can do everyone's homework!"

The Eds soon followed behind Eddy. Running through town and back into the Cul-de-Sac, the Eds set up a wooden stand at Double-D's house's parkway and got Ruby, Ed and Blake to hold up advertisement signs around the area. Meanwhile, Double-D and Weiss stood behind the stand to receive the customers. For Eddy, he stood at the sidewalk on a wooden box, shouting out at any nearby kids to come on over to their stand.

"Tired of working your butt off on that hard math textbook? Need some respite from the drudgery of homework? You're in luck, 'cause at _Ed's Homework Services_ , we'll work our butts off on your homework assignments _for_ you!"

Some members of the small crowd were Rolf, Nazz, Jaune, Jonny and Kevin. Obviously they showed curiosity at the Eds' latest scam, especially with their newest members who were assisting the original Eds again.

Kevin crossed his arms, scowling. "Oh, _here we go_."

"You'll work your butts off on my homework assignments _for_ me?" Jaune stared at Eddy with wide-eyes. "Err, h-how much does it cost?"

Eddy wrapped his arm around Jaune's neck, surprising him. "Great question, Blondie! Only a measly 25 cents!"

"Oh, I can afford that!" Jaune produced a quarter from his pocket and gave it to Eddy. "Do my math homework, please." He removed and placed his backpack on the ground, opening it to reveal a folder thick with paper; Jaune gave it to Eddy. "It's all due by tomorrow. When can I get it back?"

"Tomorrow morning at the school entrance, before school starts."

"Thanks man!" Jaune ran off, cheering out whoohoo Im free.

Witnessing Jaune's enthusiasm, Rolf approached Eddy with a quarter in hand. "Rolf is impressed by the Money-Hungry Ed-Boy's services. Rolf will exchange his English homework for the requested currency amount, for Rolf has work to do at his fields!"

"You got it stretch! Expect it by tomorrow, complete _and_ correct!"

"Thank you, Parasitical Ed-Boy, thank you!" Rolf went off as he waved back at the Eds. "Rolf is certainly in your debt!"

Soon, a small line began forming at the stand. Already Double-D and Weiss were off to work handling homework from their customers while Eddy watched his glass jar fill up with quarters in delight. Oh, he was already raking in tons of dough! Just imagine the amount of jawbreakers he could buy with the cash he has right now!

A shadow loomed over him, and he looked up to lock eyes with Kevin. "Line's over there, Shovel-Chin."

Kevin did not looked amused. "You Eds are getting lamer and lamer by the day. Man, I already feel sorry for those transfer students over there."

"What are ya' talkin' about?!" Ruby cried out from across the duo. "I like being friends with them!"

" _Right_ ," Kevin pulled Ruby into a whisper. "Between you and me Red, that Eddy's gonna spit you out like used tissue as soon as you don't got cash on ya' anymore. Trust me, that dork's in it only for the money."

Ruby pushed Kevin away with a hmph. "Maybe Eddy's greedy, _but_ that doesn't mean Double-D and Ed are bad people. As long as they keep a leash on him, I'm good being one of the Eds."

"Your loss, Red." Kevin turned around and began walking away from the driveway. "Don't say I didn't warn ya'!"

The haughty biker ignored the indignant stares he got from Eddy, Weiss and Ruby. If those transfer students won't listen to reason, then Kevin guessed he'll have to let them see the Eds for who they really are the hard way. In that case, that day will come soon enough. Once those transfers had enough of the Eds, Kevin was sure they'll be begging to be friends with him and others. Hopefully.

If not, there's always those other transfer students―but one was as dorky as Jonny and the other might supersede him in popularity. He'd rather let that Jaune kid be part of them than Pyrrha.

Just as he crossed the street, Kevin's eyes wandered towards a sight he never thought he see in his entire life. At the parkway of a house, whose garage door was opened, a pale, curvaceous _and_ busty blonde girl was cleaning a golden, aerodynamic _motorcycle_. Being barefoot, she wore nothing but a white, greasy tank-top, jean shorts and sunglasses, and there was sweat and water radiating her smooth skin and soaking her clothes. Her curly hair was tied in a ponytail, and Kevin noticed that she was rather tall―possibly as tall or even taller than Rolf.

The girl paused, then glanced at his direction―removing her sunglasses. Kevin found himself entranced by sharp, purple eyes. Now that he thought about it, the girl kinda looked Asian. At the same time though, she looked Western too. Whatever her ethnicity, no one could deny that the girl was _smoking hot_.

" _Oh_ ," The girl winked back with a smirk. "Is that a _wrench_ in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Kevin looked down, saw a bulge in his pants, and removed the wrench he just realized he was clutching from his pocket; he swallowed. "Err, I-I'm happy to see you– No wait, uh, erm, i-it's just a wrench in my pocket! T-T-That's all…!"

"Sure," The girl nodded with giggle. "You _like_ what you see?"

Uh, which part? Kevin could only stare, holding an err for an unusually longer time than he would like to admit.

The girl put a hand on her lips, holding back a chuckle. "I'm talking about my ride, silly!" She got up and gestured towards the golden motorcycle. "Whaddya' think? My dad bought it for me on my 13th birthday last year."

"Wait," Kevin found himself staring. "Are you, like, _14_?"

"Sure am! I'm in Peach Creek High School. Are you an 8th Grader?"

Kevin nodded slowly, his eyes wide and sparkling.

"Gotcha." The girl frowned at her motorcycle. "Yeah, I can't ride him until I get my motorcycle permit, but I got one more year to go. I can wait. 'Till then, it's cleaning and maintaining Bumblebee for me. Bumblebee is the name of my ride, by the way."

" _Choice_ ," Kevin didn't know whether to stare at Bumblebee or the girl. "Uh, w-what's your name? J-Just so I know who would be the rider of that awesome bike when she starts riding it…"

The girl pointed at her chest. "Me? Oh, name's Yang. Yeah, I know, it's weird―especially since I hardly look Chinese―but that's what Dad chose to name me."

"N-No no, I-I think it's _choice_."

"Oh you think so?" Yang smirked. "Boy, do _you_ flatter me!"

Kevin swallowed, stuffing his hands into pockets, and spun around for the way home. "Uh, y-yeah, um, n-nice meeting ya' Yang, err, name's Kev– S-Shovel-Chin– K-Kevin! It's Kevin! Don't call me Shovel-Chin, p-please! I-I gotta go, gotta do some homework, see ya' Yang a-and Bumblebee!"

The biker zipped off backwards into the distance. Yang chuckled, then, wondering what Ruby was up to, glanced at the stand her sister and her friends had set up.

Eddy, having witnessed the entire spectacle, rubbed his eyes. "I don't _believe_ it." He turned to the others, who were also witnesses. "You guys saw it too, right?"

"The fact that a 13-year old, prepubescent boy is hitting on my _older_ , _14-year old_ , _already well-developed_ _sister_?" Ruby gagged, pointing at her mouth. "I'm hurling in my tummy already!"

"Well, to be fair Ruby," Double-D raised a finger, "there is only a one year gap between your sibling and Kevin. If puberty didn't play as the driving force in the transition to adolescence, why I think they could've develop a romantic relationship without much issue."

Ruby started to look green. "Please stop talking about _that_ , Double-D! I _really_ don't wanna hurl my lunch right now!"

"What I want to know is why Kevin keeps a wrench in his pocket." Ed said.

Weiss was rubbing her chin as she observed Yang. "My Lord, what height is she? She's gotta be at least 5'5 or something! A-And she's developed rather," Her cheeks became red, " _quickly_ , for a 14-year old."

"The doctor said Yang's got a growth spurt," Ruby said. "He said that she's likely going to look like that as an adult, plus she's apparently got some height left in her."

"Quiet down, you two!" Eddy then smirked, rubbing his hands together. "Kevin's crushin' on Ruby's smokin' hot sis', right? I think I know where to go with this…"

Blake narrowed her eyes. "This ought to be _good_."

"Indeed, dear sister." Double-D also narrowed his eyes.

Eddy glowered at the both of them. "Are you two long-lost twins or what? Just come with me!"

"Wait," Ruby glanced back at the stacks of homework on the stand. "But we haven't even started everyone's homework yet!"

The scammer insisted they'll finished it later―for he claimed to have a grander scheme in mind. Eddy grabbed everyone and dragged them off. Meanwhile, Yang watched the shorter kid drag Ruby and the others off with great intent. For some reason, a chill went down her spine.

* * *

Kevin, who had trouble focusing on his homework, decided to take a walk down the Lane in hopes of clearing his mind. That girl, Yang, was it? She was―was―she was stunning! Unreal! _Choice_! Her long, curly hair, her curvy body and well-endowed bust―her sharp purple eyes! Man―did he hit the _jackpot_! Nazz had no chance against Yang, she was a small fry compared to her. No way man―no way Nazz could ever top Yang. Not in a million years.

As he strode down the Lane, sweaty hands clenching and relaxing in his pockets, he found himself stopping right in front of a familiar shorty. Oh _man_.

"What's up, Kev?"

Kevin glared at Eddy. "What do _you_ want, Eddy? Oh wait, let me guess, you're gonna try and _scam_ me again, right? Well," He crossed his arms. "It ain't gonna work on me this time."

"'Scam?'" Eddy held his heart and faked a cringe. "That's a harsh word, Kevin. I like to think of this as," A devious smile formed on his lips, "a _business transaction_."

Meanwhile, the other Eds were peering over the fence, right above Eddy and Kevin's talk. Double-D seemed unamused.

"My, he's using 'transaction' already? Those tutoring lessons _really are_ paying off."

Ruby, on the other hand, was grimacing. "I hope we're not setting up anything weird for Yang. She won't like it."

"I wish I had gravy and buttered toast right now!"

Kevin frowned at the devious scammer. "What's the difference?"  
"The difference here, Shovel-Chin," Eddy zipped right beside him and snaked an arm around his neck, "is that I'm gonna help you get the _girl_ of your dreams."

"Hold on, a-are you talking about…?"

"The motorcycle chick? The flowering cherry blossom of the East and West? The busty blonde girl next door?" Eddy's smile became a grin. "Of course I'm talking about _Yang Xiao-Long_."

"Dude," Kevin crossed his arms, though sweat permeated his forehead. Eddy knew her last name, too? "I-I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I can see it in your eyes, Kevin," He glanced up, putting his knuckles on his forehead as if checking for a fever. "Smitten, forlorn, longing, _desperate_! I know that feeling all too well!"

"If you're offering me a way to get Yang as a girlfriend, then you're more pathetic than I ever thought you would be." Kevin began walking away.

Eddy watched him, but he still smirked. "Fine then. Let Yang be whisked away by another man. Let that man be the man of her dreams. Let suffering and forlorning take you by the heart as you wonder why, why you didn't get Yang! Why you didn't confess your love to her! Why you hesitated to the last minute! Why didn't you listen to Eddy!"

Meanwhile, Double-D, shook his head. "Oh, he's been paying attention to the Shakespeare plays I've given him, too?"

Kevin had zipped back right to the scammer. "You're saying you're gonna help me get Yang, right?"

Eddy rubbed his hands together. "Of course, considering this is a _business transaction_ , we'll have to talk about the fees…"

"Just _tell me_ if you can help me get Yang or not, _dork_."

"Of course, Kev!" Ignoring the insult, Eddy zipped to him and wrapped his arm around his neck again. "At _Ed's Romance Counseling_ , we'll teach you _all_ the ways to get that perfect girl of your dreams! Of course, you'll have to pay extra for advice on how to _please_ her in every way _possible_ ," Eddy snickered.

Kevin swallowed, sweat permeating his entire face now. "Y-You're gonna make sure I get Yang, r-right?"

"Sure. When did I ever let you down, Shovel-Chin? Actually, don't answer that." Eddy pulled out a glass jar and held it out. "The initial fee is 25 cents, and after that it'll be 10 cents an hour."

An exasperated, defeated sigh escaped Kevin's lips. Eddy had him completely wrapped around his finger, and he knew he was being tied like a knot. Still, a chance to get Yang as a girlfriend―even if slim―was more than enough for him…

" _Fine_." Kevin produced a quarter from his pocket and flicked it into the jar with his thumb. Then he leaned towards Eddy with a finger and a growl. "But I'm only paying the rest of the hourly fee _after_ Yang becomes my girlfriend, _got it_ dork? And if your stupid counseling ends up costing me _her_ , you and your friends'll wish they've never been _born_!"

Eddy, sweating profusely, nodded furiously. "O-Of course, Kev!"

"Then we have a deal."

Money signs popped up in Eddy's eyes.

The other Eds glanced at each other worriedly, wondering how they were going to successfully pair Kevin with Yang―without angering the former. After all, none of them wanted to get beaten up by Kevin.

"I don't know whether to be impressed that Eddy was able to convince Kevin," Weiss rested a chin on her palm. "Or pity Kevin for falling for Eddy's tricks."

* * *

"So, you're like, Yang's little sister, right?"

Ruby nodded. "Yeah, I am. I know I don't look like it and all―but that's because we're actually half-sisters."

Kevin and the others listened intently to Ruby. So she was actually _partially_ related to Yang? Huh. It made them wonder just what kind of family history the Xiao-Longs had.

The Eds had led Kevin to Eddy's backyard, where they were preparing a mockup of possible scenarios with Yang. Of course, Ruby wasn't all too happy about it considering she was involved in matchmaking her _sister_ of all people, but she kept her complaints to herself. After all, she did not want to get a fist to her face.

Ed stood there staring at nothing while Blake read a book underneath the nearby tree. However, Double-D and Weiss were nowhere to be seen.

As for Eddy, he had his hands stuffed in his pocket. "Now, you get me on how to approach Yang, right Kev?"

"So basically, all I have to do is be cool with her and show her a good time, right?"

"That's _right_. Don't forget to take her out to dinner first, by the way." Eddy smirked before checking his watch. "Now, if those two could _hurry up_ right now, we can get started on practicing."

And on point, Double-D and Weiss came out, the latter wearing rather, err, clothing the heiress would consider "skimpy:" short jeans, sandals and a white tank-top. Even Weiss' hair was fully let down, reaching well below her back.

Double-D looked rather down as he brought Weiss to the forefront. "Why did Eddy assigned _me_ the task of picking out an outfit for you? Ruby would've served as a better eye for apparel Yang would personally pick!"

"Let's just get this over with, Double-D," Weiss' face was quite red. "Ugh, I feel _naked_ wearing this. How could girls wear such revealing outfits without being embarrassed?"

Eddy whistled. "Lookin' _good_ , Ice Princess."  
"I hope you're paying me _extra_ for this."  
"Yeah yeah yeah, sure Marilyn Monroe," He turned to the biker, rubbing his hands. "So Kev, let's see how well you can woo the girl of your dreams! Hit on her with everything you got!"

With a deep sigh and a quick glare at Eddy, Weiss put her a hand on her hip and a finger on her lips. "H-H-Hello, h-hunky stud!" Oh Lord, imagine her _aunt_ seeing her like this. "Err, I-I mean, Kevin! N-Nice weather w-we're having, right?"

" _Choice_." Kevin nodded, eyes wide as he stared at the heiress.

"Y-You like w-what you see?" Weiss flashed a smile and a wink, though she was burning with embarrassment on the inside. "Y-You can t-take me out to dinner a-anytime you want, K-Kevin…"

Eddy facepalmed and stepped in. "Cut cut cut cut! Come on Weiss, you gotta be more like Yang! She's open and fun to be around with! That's right, right Ruby?"

"Yep," Ruby nodded. "If given the chance, Yang can be like a party animal."

The scammer insisting the heiress to try again, Weiss sighed and rubbed her chin. How could she be more open and straightforward like Yang…

She snapped her fingers, then she stared straight into Kevin's eye. "Hey yo, wanna bust out some lyrics together? _Boy_ , let's get holla'in' at each otha'!"

"Huh?" Kevin raised an eyebrow. "The _Ice Princess_ can actually speak jive?"

Ruby grimaced. "Uh, wrong animation Weiss…"

"Well I'm _trying_ , all right!?"

"That didn't even sounded close to being natural Weiss," Blake said all the way from her tree. "But I'm surprise even _you_ of all people have some knowledge of jive―however incorrect your imitation may be."

Weiss growled. "Well I don't see _you_ helping Kevin practice so he can get a date with Yang! A-And I was just trying to think of something extroverted and friendly! I-I had assumed that jive is something people in the states are familiar with…"

"...I don't mean to be rude," Blake lowered her book and looked up to the heiress. "But were you _raised outside_ of the United States?"

"Um," Weiss scratched her neck. "Admittedly, I kinda actually _did_ grew up in Britain. Yes, I do have the stereotypical posh accent, and _no_ , I'm not gonna demonstrate it for you all. The reason why you all are hearing me in a regular American accent though is because I learned it from my mom growing up―who's American herself."

Double-D gasped. "A _bicultural_ upbringing? Why, that's rather marvelous Weiss! Of course, American culture can be ultimately traced back to English culture, but I had no idea that you were brought up in such an environment."

"Uh, thank you, Double-D," Weiss found herself scratching neck and with a slight blush. "N-No one's ever complimented my upbringing before…"

"Hey, I thought you being from Britain was cool, too!" Ruby pouted.

"Well why didn't you say so earlier?"

With so much irrelevant small talk going around, Eddy groaned and facepalmed. "How did my scamming career come to this…?"

"Weiss should become a movie star," Ed said, "'cause she's rich! You should be a movie star too, Eddy!"

Everyone stared at the loveable oaf.

"We're getting sidetracked here, guys! We gotta help Kevin prepare for a date with Yang, is that so hard to do!? Now let's get back to practicing, prompto! Time is money here, people!"

Just before everyone got back to work, a blonde popped their head over the fence and gazed at the group. "Hey, Ruby! Dad says you gotta go home early!"

"Huh?" Ruby turned to Yang with a pout. "But _why_?"

"I know you're playing with your friends and all, but Dad says that he wants you to start learning how to cook."

Ignoring the childish-sounding playing comment, Ruby groaned. "Really, cooking? I mean I understand why, but can this _wait_ a bit?"

"Fine then," Yang sneered at her. "Go rely on instant noodles and Hot Pockets when you're in college; just don't expect to be the healthiest in your class~!"

However, Eddy smirked―another idea already formulating in his head. "Hey, Goldilocks! Shortcake here ain't doin' anything here anyway! Actually, you just came in at the right time, my friend! None of us are doing much today! So mind if we come on over and hang out with your sis' at your house?"

" _You_ want to _hang out_ with _Ruby_ at our _house_?" Yang raised an eyebrow, rubbing her chin. "Well, she definitely needed new _friends_ , and it looks like you guys are already familiar with her. Alright, I can get behind that. Though you're gonna have to wait for her to finish her cooking lessons with Dad first."

"Sweet!" Eddy turned to the others, dragging Ruby and Blake away. "Come on guys! Let's go hang out in Ruby's house!"

"Oh, and Ice Princess," Yang glanced at Weiss with a smirk and click. "Did you became a Fire Princess or what, 'cause man you're _smokin' hot_ right now!' She waved air onto her neck and tugged her collar open. "Whew, _muy caliente_!"

A fiery scarlet burned on Weiss' face as the heiress tried to cover herself. However, Yang left―her laughter echoing behind the wooden fence―before Weiss could retort back.

"There there, Weiss," Ed patted the heiress' shoulder. "Mother Nature can be a cruel mistress."

Double-D, seeing her sister being carelessly dragged off, went after them. "Eddy, you better handle Blake with care! I doubt either her or Ruby would appreciate being dragged like that!"

Only Ed, Weiss and Kevin were left standing, but one was covering herself―and likely in a state of embarrassment―while the other was shivering, sweating and blushing. Chuckling in his usual ways, Ed lifted up the pair onto his shoulders like statues and followed the group out of Eddy's backyard.

* * *

In the kitchen of the Xiao-Long household, Taiyang swirled the eggbeater in the bowl filled with the egg mix. "Now Ruby, what you need to do is 'beat' the egg like this. You want to do it this way to make sure the yolk spreads evenly."

"Okay, I see…"

"Alright, now you try."

After being given the bowl, Ruby stared at the yolk as she repeated Taiyang's movements. "Uh, Dad?" She glanced at him. "You alright if my friends hang out in the living room?"

"Of course, Ruby!" Taiyang smiled and hugged his daughter's neck. "I'm already glad you were able to make friends after we just moved into Peach Creek! Seems like you're able to adapt pretty well to new environments."

Ruby blushed and stammered a protest, but she continued beating the egg in the bowl.

"Oh yeah," Taiyang turned to the Eds and Kevin, who were hanging out at the living room. "Make yourselves at home, guys! TV's there while you wait for Ruby to finish up, plus some cookies from Hers Truly at the coffee table."

" _Dad_!" Ruby blushed even more. "Please don't tell them about my baking hobby! It's embarrassing!"

Taiyang only chuckled.

Meanwhile, the Eds, their ringleader absent, having gone to the restroom, Yang and Kevin sat at the living room watching TV. Only the Eds and Yang treated themselves to Ruby's cookies―as Kevin was frozen and shivering like a snowman. Those who ate moaned from the sweet, crunchy and chocolatey deliciousness of the confectionary treats.

"I'm impressed," Weiss swallowed. "These cookies are top-quality for an amateur."

Blake narrowed her eyes. "Since _when_ did you become Alton Brown?"

"I'm an _heiress_ ," Weiss also narrowed her eyes. "I have access to better and more diverse education options, and I just happened to have taken some cooking classes with well-known, reputable chefs. Ruby's cookies here _could_ use some work, but honestly I think the average person would enjoy them enough as it is."

"That's because Ruby found an old recipe book written by her mom," Yang smirked. "Got to say, she took up baking because of her." However, the smirk faded into sadness.

Double-D noticed the sadness laced in Yang's lips. "Is something the matter, Ms. Xiao-Long?"

"Nah, nothing's wrong. Just homesickness, I guess."

However, Double-D still eyed Yang.  
Ed, after tasting Ruby's baking, smirked wide. "Yum! Cookies good for Ed!" He then grabbed the plate of the remaining cookies and shoved it into his mouth. His head became a disc from the shape of the consumed plate.

"Ed!" Double-D frowned. "I wanted another cookie!"

"Oh sorry, Double-D!" Ed took a drool-soaked cookie out of his mouth and handed it in front of him. "Here, you can have one!"

Double-D looked green. "O-On second thought Ed, p-perhaps I'll wait for another batch, b-but, erm, t-thank you."

"What?!" Eddy, having returned from the bathroom, glared at Ed. "You guys ate all the cookies!? I wanted some!"

"Blame Monobrow here," Weiss gestured towards Ed.

Eddy leaped on Ed's chest and snatched his collar. "Ed, give me those cookies!"

"But I already ate them, Eddy!"

"I said give them to me!"

"But Eddy!"

"Y'know, forget about it." Eddy leaped off Ed and sat down on his seat at the couch, scowling. "I'll just wait for the next batch."

Taiyang came from the kitchen, having heard the commotion. "Don't worry guys, the next batch of cookies is already coming up! Just need the," Taiyang glanced around the coffee table. "Uh, where's the plate?"

"Here, Coach Xiao-Long!" Ed spat out the plate onto Taiyang's plate. "No need to thank me, for I have made sure the plate is clean of stains!"

Taiyang forced a grin. "Uh, t-thanks man. You _sure_ got an appetite, big-boy!" Turning around, he grimaced at the plate and returned to the kitchen, muttering oh Lord.

Seeing that the commotion was over, Yang said she was going up to her room and excused herself from the living room. Then Ruby came back, wearing an apron, and sat down with the other heads.

She wiped a sweat from her forehead. "Whew! Making an omelette with cheese and veggies wasn't the easiest thing in the world! So," Ruby frowned. " _What's the plan_ , _Eddy_?"

"Your sister went up to her room, which means we probably gotta accelerate our plans. Looks like we're gonna have to get Shovel-Chin up there with her!"

Kevin shot a glance at Eddy, one of sheer shock.

Ruby, on the other hand, looked disgusted. " _Seriously_!? Ugh, no, nuh uh, I'm not getting involved in this! TMI Eddy, TMI, I _do not_ want do that!"

"Then I invited us over to your house all for nothing!" Eddy grumbled. "We're trying to make a profit here, Shortcake! Don't you want _jawbreakers_?"

Ruby's eyes widened. " _J-J-Jawbreakers_ …?" Oh no, not _that_. The only other things that could make her go crazy were guns, anime and video games, and _that_ was saying something. Oh how she _longed_ for that oversized, yummy ball of sugar…

"Yeah," Eddy smirked, tugging his eyebrows. " _Jawbreakers_. We get Kevin paired with Yang, we get our _cut_. Remember? We do these scams to get _jawbreakers_! That's the whole point of our scams, kid! We scam people for money, and we use that money to buy jawbreakers! How could you not notice!?"

Okay, Ruby was honestly in this group for the wacky scams they did, but she didn't really know what they were going to do with the money. She never also heard Eddy about his intentions with the ill-gotten cash. But now she heard it all, and Ruby found herself now enjoying being part of the Eds even more.

Now, the question here is: Will Ruby get jawbreakers and practically sell off Yang to Kevin, or protect Yang's dignity? Decisions, decisions, decisions…

Ruby pursed her lips, shifting in her seat. Eyes stared at her, weighing down on her, making her feel small and tiny. They were judging, eternal, laughing, ridiculing, disappointed–

" _Fine_ ," Ruby sighed in defeat. "But I'm only doing this because I'm craving for a jawbreaker right now."

"You're becoming a true Ed, Red." Eddy chuckled. "Come on, let's get our pay."

The Eds dragged Kevin upstairs―Ruby asking Taiyang permission and being granted such for her friends to come upstairs, of course―and they settled outside of Ruby's room. It was right across from Yang's room, whose door was closed at the moment. They all gathered in a circle, apart from the frozen Kevin, devising their next move.

"Okay," Eddy looked at everyone. "We need to get Kevin to get a date with Yang. Any suggestions?"

"Ooh ooh, I know, I know!" Ed grinned. "Let's get Kevin to watch _Mutant Butterfly Apocalypse 2: Electric Boogaloo_ with Yang! It's currently showing in theaters!"

Double-D frowned. "Ed, that movie has a Restriction rating, last I checked."

"Hmm," Weiss rubbed her chin. "Perhaps I could use my connections to arrange a free viewing of _Les Misérables_ at Comédie-Française in Paris."

"Snoresville!" Eddy narrowed his view. "Any other ideas…?"

Blake hummed. "Why not set up a date at a local cafe?"

"That's boring." Eddy sighed. "I was thinking we should get Shovel-Chin inside Yang's room. I got us here in Ruby's house, after all."

Ruby grimaced. "Aren't we rushing this, Eddy?"

"As long as we get our dough, it doesn't matter." Eddy glanced at everyone, smirking. "So, we in agreement to get Kev inside Yang's room? Alright, let's do it!"

Double-D frowned. "But Eddy! We haven't reached a unanimous agreement, never mind the fact that we're forcing a love-stricken Kevin into the room of his object of affection! What if something goes terribly wrong? Rushing relationships is not exactly healthy for the heart, mind and soul of both partners, Eddy!"

"Relax, Sock-Head! My brother told me that getting a girlfriend involves getting into her room! Kev's gonna be rockin' it with Yang, after this!" He turned to Kevin. "Alright Casanova, get your Yang! And don't forget what we said about taking her out for dinner!"

"W-Wait, _what_?"

Quietly opening the door, Eddy slid the frozen Kevin through the crack and the Eds observed him.

Kevin still remained, now realizing he was inside a _girl's room_. A _girl's room_. He never got inside Nazz's room either, but now he's inside _Yang's room_ of all places. Oh man, what's he gonna do, what's he gonna do, what's he gonna do…!?

"Huh? Who's there?"

Oh man oh man oh man, Yang's in her closet!

Yang's head peered out, her face becoming surprised. " _K-Kevin_?!"

"I-It's not what it looks like, man!" Kevin's face became a fiery-scarlet. "I-It's not what it looks like!"

However, Yang didn't seemed fazed _or_ angry. In fact, she looked like she was thinking for a second there. Then it became a smirk.

"Y'know, you could've just _asked_ me if you wanted me to show you a _good time_ , Kevin~."

"A-A good time?" Kevin forced a smile. "O-Of course I wanted a good time! I mean, uh, yeah, sure, uh, like, uh, hanging out?"

Yang chuckled. "I guess that's _one_ way to put it." Then she threw out her jeans and tank-top from the closet. "But we're not _just_ hanging out. In fact," Yang stuck a barefoot out, then a bare leg. "If you want, I can _definitely_ show you a _good time_ ~."

Kevin's eyes widened with a stark realization. His heart pounded like an engine on overdrive. His arteries hardened. The color from his face began blanching. He found himself backed up against the door.

Yang stepped out of her closet.

* * *

"What's going on?" Eddy tried to peer through the door, but he couldn't see anything. "You guys see anything?"

"I think Kevin's backed up against the door, Eddy." Weiss said.

Then the door slammed open and crushed the Eds against the side of the wall. Kevin ran out, screaming as he zipped out of the house as fast as he can. "I'm not _ready_ for this, man! I'm not _ready_!"

When the door was pushed away, the Eds fell flat on the floor, their outlines smashed and cracked on the wall.

Eddy got up first and ran out to the hallway. "Hey Kev! What about my money?!"

"Uh, Eddy?" Double-D tapped his shoulder, glancing at the shadow looming over the Eds. "I think we have another problem to be concerned about!"

Turning to the shadow, Eddy and the others saw the red, burning gaze of Yang Xiao-Long glaring over them. She held a sadistic, all-knowing grin.

"Well well well, looks like I found the perpetrators behind this." She grabbed the collars of both Eddy and Ruby and lifted them off the floor. "You guys _better_ have an explanation for this. I mean, I didn't mind that boy being in my room and all, but I knew something was off the moment you guys were invited to our home!"

"We tried to scam you _and_ Kevin, Yang!" Ruby cried out, much to Eddy's shock. "We were helping Kevin get a date with you! All we wanted was money for _jawbreakers_!"

Yang raised an eyebrow. "Jawbreakers? But what about Ice Princess? She's loaded, _and_ she's the heiress of the Schnee Candy Company, one of the _prime producers_ of jawbreakers! Why don't you guys just get them from her?"

"What?" Eddy grimaced. "And ruin the whole point of this fic?"

Weiss shook her head. "Besides, I don't give out free jawbreakers willy-nilly, y'know. I'm an _heiress_ , remember?"

Yang shrugged. "Eh, it doesn't change the fact I'm gonna have to punish you guys for trying to set me up with that Kevin kid. I like that he's into motorcycles and stuff, but he's a bit shy for my tastes. I mean, I _was_ gonna just play a game of Jenga with him, that's all! Don't know why he ran off like that."

The Eds felt sweat dripping down their forehead.

"W-What are you gonna do to us?" Ruby whimpered. "Are you gonna tell Dad, Yang?"

"As much as I _revel_ in the thought of Dad giving you all the _juicy_ details of dating advice, I think I have a _much_ better idea."

* * *

"I'm gonna go and pick up Uncle Qrow from the bar, Yang!" Taiyang said as he wore his shoes. "Watch the house while I'm gone."

Yang nodded. "Got it Dad! And thanks for allowing Ruby and her friends to study with me!"

"No problem, Yang. Some of your sister's friends _are_ in my P.E. class, after all, and Mr. Goodwitch certainly needs to work on his athletic skills! See ya' guys!"

After saying farewell to their father, Yang closed the door, locked it and went over to the dining room. There, the Eds were bound to the chairs with rope. Piles of schoolwork of varying subjects lay about the table, each next to a particular Ed. Only their hands were free.

"Where did you get the rope, Yang?" Ruby raised an eyebrow. "And it's making my skin chafe!"

"Don't ask. You guys are gonna do _all_ of my homework."

Eddy scowled. "In your dreams, Goldilocks!"

"Everyone here is in Dad's P.E. class, right? I can tell him all about your attempts to matchmake me with Kevin."

"Why you little…!"

Double-D sighed. "Come now, Eddy! I believe a little repentance every now and then wouldn't hurt. After all, we _did_ attempt to pair Yang with Kevin without her consent _or_ knowledge."

Blake glanced at her restraints, her face unusually red.

"This is totally _unbefitting_ of an heiress." Weiss was scowling.

Eddy glared at Weiss. "This is all your fault, Ice Princess."

" _My fault_?!"

"Yeah, you're the one who approved of this scam in the first place."

"That was the _homework_ scheme, _not_ the romance one!"

"Speaking of your homework scheme," Yang produced a _huge_ pile of homework and put it on the middle of the table. "You guys will have to do _everyone's_ homework in addition to mine. Don't want an angry mob coming after you guys now tomorrow, would we?"

Eddy narrowed at Double-D. "What was that you said about representing, _Sock-Head_?"

" _Repentance_ , Eddy."

"Oh yeah," Yang smirked, putting a finger on her lips. "Eddy, Ed, Weiss and Blake will handle both the math and science homework, and Double-D and Ruby will handle the language arts and social studies homework!"

"Oh come on!" Eddy's widened. "I can't do math or science! You gotta give us _at least_ a chance here, Goldilocks!"

"Don't worry, you guys have the entire night. I called all your parents and told them that you all are in a study group for the rest of the night. Good luck, guys!"

And so the Eds were forced to do _everyone's_ homework for the entire night. They all found themselves struggling with subject matters they were not so good at.

"I detest the rigors of the mathematics and the sciences," Weiss groaned. "Not to be anti-intellectual, but I rather be studying history right now than investigate this series of geometric proofs!"

"No fair, you got _geometric proofs_ , Weiss!?" Ruby frowned. "I have to write a five-page report on _As I Lay Dying_! Ugh, that book was Snoresville!"

"How _dare_ you insult a classic!"

Eddy glared at them both. "You guys are both giving me hernia! Let's just hurry up and get this over with!"

"Uh," Blake stared at a sheet of physics homework. "I don't understand _anything_ about these equations. Is this, like, calculus-level work?"

"Wait," Ruby leaned over as best she could and her eyes popped wide open. "You need _tensor calculus_ to solve some of those later problems!? Come on, how come you guys get _all_ the fun stuff?!"

"How is this math and science junk _fun_?!" Eddy scowled. "It's all a load of baloney!"

"Oh I'm sure you'll be saying math _and_ science is a load of baloney by the time we finally get people on Mars! I rather be researching new fields in general relativity than write this stupid book report!" Then she sifted through her pile. "Ugh, and to top it all off, I gotto write down vocab words for this kid's history class! Ugh, I hate doing that!"  
Double-D sighed. "P.E. homework is simplistic _and_ tedious for my academic rigor." He looked at the pile right next to his current sheet. " _And_ I have at least a _100_ more sheets to go. I truly envy Weiss, Blake and Eddy's positions as much as you do Ruby―even if you detest the humanities."

Ed simply sat there, grinning like a fool. "This reminds of me of the torture scene from _Space Aliens X: Attack of the Mutant Meatballs_. This is the part where we'll be forced to become secretaries to do the aliens' paperwork and take boring desk jobs for the rest of our miserable lives."

"Shut up, Ed." Eddy growled.

* * *

 **Due to the increasingly-tumultuous nature of my private life, I'm afraid that I'll be updating _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ on a biweekly basis, i.e., an update every two weeks or so. I believe I already told you all about how my life had gotten busy in the last author's note, so I'm confident many of you are patient enough to await two weeks.**

 **Looking back on the first episode, I think it's too long for what it's worth. I feel that there's plenty of content in there that would be best used as material for separate episodes of their own. However, considering the serialized nature of this fic, I'd rather wait until we finish off the first season of _Ed, Edd n RWBY_ to make the necessary revisions/edits.**

 **Thank you all for being patient with this update, and I do apologize once again for being later than usual. But I do advise preparing for the long-haul, as my private life requires more of my attention now then ever. I'm sure everyone here can relate as such.**

 **Until then, farewell dear readers!**

 **-SdaTheArtist.**


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